Spider sense

WE homo sapiens like to believe we’re the most forward-thinking species on the planet. Not so, says reader Shirley Fowler. She was relaxing in the garden when her husband, on the chair next to her, pointed to a spider getting busy on his web.

“Now there’s a fellow who’s ahead of the curve,” said hubby. “Our human leaders only recently started advising we should work from home. Him and his pals have been doing it for ever.”

Slick reply

THE granddaughter of Doris Maidment is a curious child who once inquired about the cloth draped over the back of the sofa. Doris explained it was an antimacassar, used to protect the sofa from hair oil.

The little girl was surprised by this fact. “I thought only cars had oil,” she said. “Does hair oil make humans run for longer, too?”

Foody faux pas

OUR readers are always useful when it comes to doling out advice. Fraser Williams says you should always knock on the fridge door before opening it. The reason? “In case there’s a salad dressing.”

Capital idea?

WE continue devising advertising slogans for Scotland’s towns and cities. Reader Ken Collins is a proud Glaswegian, which might explain his rather harsh assessment of our glorious capital city. He suggests: “Edinburgh. When it finally grows up it wants to be London or Paris.”

Mr Bump

“YOU’LL never guess who I bumped into on the way to the optician,” says short-sighted reader Charles Whelan. “Everyone.”

A birthday toast

A TALE of culinary excellence. As a special treat, Rita Hamilton promised to make her husband French toast for his birthday breakfast. The day arrived. The very same day when Rita realised she had neither eggs nor bread in the house.

So, with much fanfare, she carried to her husband in bed a tray containing a glass of milk.

“It’s diet French toast,” she explained to the confused fellow. “Without all the calories you get from the other two ingredients.”

Rocky relationship

A DIARY story about a young man nervous about dating reminds Morris Brett of his own early endeavours in the field of romance. On holiday in Millport as a boy, our reader asked a girl to meet him at the town’s fabled Crocodile Rock. With a twinkle in her eye, the girl replied: “Not sure that’s a good idea. I don’t know if I’d be able to tell the difference between you and the croc.”

Ice breaker

ANOTHER romantic tale, this time with a sporting twist. “I recently started dating someone I met when I was enjoying a game of curling,” says Samantha Thompson. “Guess you could say he swept me off my feet.”

Read more: Laughing all the way to the tank