Bee-ing strange

BATHGATE comedian Fern Brady has some unusual fans. “I accepted a while ago my audience is eccentric at best,” she says. “But a complete stranger has sent me six photos of her getting stung by a bee and her face gradually swelling up.”

The pictures arrived with no explanation, which is most mysterious.

Though perhaps it was actually the bee who sent the photos, as it was rather proud of its handiwork…

Engineering reality

WE continue translating phrases used by engineers so laymen can understand them. Reader Rob Wilson says that "high impedance air-gap" means "I forgot to plug it in" and "thermally reconfigured" means "it melted".

Woolly argument

TRAINSPOTTING creator Irvine Welsh is in a bolshie mood. The bad boy author (or perhaps that should be mardy mature author, he’s in his sixties) argues that lockdown has revealed certain deficiencies in the prevailing economic system. He says: “Capitalism: without pubs, cafes, nightclubs, cinemas and theatres – places of social interaction – you’re every bit as drab as Soviet Communism.”

An interesting point of view, and the Diary’s loath to get involved in a political discussion. Even so, isn’t that a bit like saying: “Knitting. You’re pretty rubbish without wool”?

Novel experience

OUR readers have been devising alternatives for the word bookworm. Bill Thompson says: “Surely in Scotland the word must be 'Awhatworm’.”

Is Bill implying that proud Caledonia doesn’t do its fair share of reading? To contest his point, we can reveal that a member of the Diary team recently started a book.

Though he quickly gave up after one of the pop-up pictures almost took his eye out.

Wedding woes

EVER wondered why some brides cry at their own wedding? Reader Lucy Webb has a theory. “It’s because they never get to marry the best man,” she explains.

Dolphin tale

OBSERVANT reader Brian Chrystal noticed the Scottish Wildlife Trust advertised a piece about dolphins in their weekly newsletter, which is sent by email. The message advises readers to: "click to enter".

“Do you think any dolphins will respond?” wonders Brian.

Cutting comment

WATCHING a footy match on telly, reader Alastair Stewart was entertained by the fellow analysing the match. Identifying a player who was less of a preening peacock than his fellow professionals, the catty commentator quipped that he had to be the only Premier League star who didn’t live with a hairdresser.

Birdy burden

A SAD story. “My rather plump parrot died recently,” reveals reader Alex O’Shea. “It’s been a depressing time, though it’s also a huge weight off my shoulders.”

Read more: Those were the days