AN American quiz master has created a 15-question puzzler that calculates if you’re a genius. The team of scientific boffins in the Diary’s Pure Dead Brainy Department have devised a one-question multiple choice quiz that does the same…

Question 1) Do you read the Herald Diary?

a) Yup. Every day.

b) Of course. I even wallpaper my house with it, so I can stare at my walls, giggling maniacally. (And, yes. Funny you should ask. I don’t get many visitors.)

c) No. I’m too serious for anything so frivolous as – ugh! – humour.

Now the results. If you answered a) or b) you’re a bona fide brainbox. And if you don’t read the Diary you won’t have seen option c).

So that’s a 100% genius-level pass rate for our readers. In your face, Scottish exam board.

Spirited advice

WE recently ran a story about prophylactics in an Edinburgh pub toilet. Russell Smith from Kilbirnie wonders if it’s the same Rose Street watering hole he recalls from years ago, where a dispenser sold whisky-flavoured condoms that came with a stern warning: “Don’t use this product when driving”.

Wotsit all about

WITH an absence of artful antics and amiable anarchy in Edinburgh, many Scots will be missing the buzz of the Festival. Not so, Kirsty Wark. The TV presenter says she still feels the “thrill” in the city.

Reader Gordon Aitken, a local, disagrees. “Unless Kirsty’s talking about the thrill of watching a crumpled pack of Wotsits scuttle down a deserted Edinburgh street like Scottish tumbleweed,” he sighs.

Hard to swally

COMEDIAN Ray Bradshaw is feeling sympathetic. “Your life may be s****,” he says. “But at least you're not a newly turned 18-year-old in Aberdeen who was going out to drown their sorrows at the pub after their exam results got unfairly lowered…”

Taking the pith?

AN idea we’ve been playing around with. You bump into your 18-year-old self but only have three words you can speak to them. What do you say?

Alex Murray from East Kilbride has been married three times, so suggests: “Aisle be back.”

Death becomes her

PAUL McCartney says he’ll never play Las Vegas, claiming it’s where fading musicians “go to die”. Reader Stephanie Williams says: “At least it would be a funeral service where Macca would be buried under loads of dosh. I often tell my kids that’s how I’d like to go. And the sooner, the better.”

Vocal support

GOOD news for reader Hugh Hamilton. “My psychiatrist and I had a major breakthrough,” he beams. “Now he can hear the voices, too.”

Read more: Those were the days