UGH. In the interests of research, I have just watched Nigel Farage singing Rule Britannia. Look at him: eyes flaring, spittle glistening, mouth gaping, blasting his Brexity breath over everyone. Britons never, never, never shall be slaves! He loves it.

And so does Laurence Fox, and Piers Morgan, and Boris Johnson. All of them have complained about the BBC’s announcement that this year’s Last Night of the Proms will not include the singing of Rule Britannia. The BBC said there would be an orchestral version of the song instead as part of what they called an inclusive event.

Mr Farage and the rest of them were not pleased. Mr Fox said the Britain-hating BBC should have its funding removed. Mr Morgan said the BBC needed to stop grovelling to woke nonsense. And Mr Johnson said it was time we stopped our cringing embarrassment about our history and culture.

But who’s cringing? The problem many people have with Rule Britannia is its jingoism. Ahead of the Proms decision, BBC Music Magazine’s Richard Morrison said anachronistic songs such as Rule Britannia should be dropped. “There can't be many people in 2020 who think Britain really does rule the waves,” he wrote. “How else could you sing those words, except as history re-enacted as farce?”

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But I think, actually, if you look at recent Proms, the answer to Mr Morrison’s question has become pretty clear. The mezzo soprano Sarah Connolly sang Rule Britannia in drag as a male naval officer and last year, Jamie Barton waved not the Union flag but the LGBT rainbow flag. That’s the way to do it: redesign it, reinvent it, don’t take it too seriously.

However, I appreciate not everyone sees it that way. Gareth Malone, who presents TV programmes about choirs, said: “If people want to sing about the subjugation and enslavement of other nations, I don’t think that should be given a platform in 2020.” And Chi-Chi Nwanoku, who founded an organisation called the Chineke Foundation for the support of ethnic minority musicians, was even more direct. The lyrics of Rule Britannia are offensive, she said.

Fair enough. Rule Britannia is old-fashioned and jingoistic and full of violent imagery about nationhood – and apart from that, it’s all a bit silly, isn’t it? But I’m afraid it’s not alone because Flower of Scotland is just as bad. It is also old-fashioned and jingoistic and full of violent imagery about nationhood – and a bit silly. If we need to stop singing Rule Britannia, we need to stop singing Flower of Scotland as well.

I say that because the problems with the songs are similar. Rule Britannia bangs on about the ancient past (Britain’s navy) and so does Flower of Scotland (Scotland’s war with an English king of the 13th century – get over it!). Rule Britannia says Britons never, never, never shall be slaves and Flower of Scotland says Scots never, never, never shall be slaves (of the English). Same song, same problem.

“Ah but,” apologists for Flower of Scotland will say, “our song is about resisting enslavement by the English whereas Rule Britannia is all about imposing the enslavement of empire,” but that would be to misunderstand what the lyrics say. Both songs are about a nation’s freedom and resisting the tyranny of domination by another nation – “tyrants ne'er shall tame” says Rule Britannia; “sent him homeward to think again” says Flower of Scotland. Same song, same problem.

What those kind of lyrics leave us with, I’m afraid, is two rather embarrassing songs that bang on about the past. I remember once being at the wedding of a friend of mine who asked his guests to sing Flower of Scotland. I couldn’t say no without causing a scene so I just moved my lips silently like a bad singer miming on Top on the Pops so as not to be part of the jingoistic nonsense. I’d rather not sing Rule Britannia but I’d rather not sing Flower of Scotland either.

The bigger problem, of course, is the kind of sentiment that leads people to write songs like this in the first place, and sing them. It’s hard to see how Rule Britannia is racist, as some people claim (and if it is then so is Flower of Scotland) but the people who love these songs should remember what they are actually about.

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They celebrate violence – violently establishing your nation or violently resisting another one. They promote images that have little relevance any more: sea-faring Britons ruling the waves or simple Scots dwelling in glens. Some people love that. Some people wave their bits of material in the air and dab their moist eyes. But it’s all a bit embarrassing isn’t it? It’s all a bit 13th century. It’s all a bit silly.

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