Posh programming

HARRY and Meghan haven’t been idle whilst basking under a Californian sun. They’ve just completed a deal with broadcasting giant Netflix to produce TV programmes.

Reader Marc Glover suggests shows the couple could make:

BLAME OF THRONES - With its feuding royals, this show bears a resemblance to another popular drama with a similar name. Though in Blame of Thrones disputes aren’t resolved using broadswords. Instead, a warrior couple best their enemies by publishing an autobiographical book complaining about all the nasty people who were simply horrid to them.

FAMILY MISFORTUNES - Quiz show where rival clans compete by answering questions such as: “Who should really be in charge of the Royal Family?” (Clue. The correct answer rhymes with ‘Barry’ and ‘Fleghan’.)

History is bunk

IT’S twenty-five years since Braveheart was released. George MacDougall from Edinburgh recalls seeing the movie at the time. At one point in the flick, when the rambunctious hero was being tortured, George heard anguished weeping from behind him.

He turned to see two girls grieving. Not because a Scottish historical icon was treated so unjustly. It was the haranguing of a Hollywood hunk that pained them.

“Oh Mel!” they cried. “Poor Mel!”

Fitness regime

WITH gyms re-opened, flabby folk can squeeze back into Lycra and sweatbands. Though reader Jane Williams says lockdown proved she doesn’t need a gym. Instead of running on a treadmill she sprinted from her children, who incessantly complained they were bored.

She also did weight training. Actually, it was ‘wait’ training, which involved loitering in endless, socially-distanced, shopping queues.

Clumsy counter

BROWSING in a bookstore, John O’Kane overheard a discussion between a keen reader and the shop assistant. With much enthusiasm, the keen reader was recommending a book he particularly enjoyed.

"Actually, it's part of a trilogy of five books," he explained.

We’re guessing the keen reader doesn’t have many volumes on his shelves about basic arithmetic.

Wither the weather?

AMATEUR meteorologist Deborah Steele wonders if the temperature is zero outside today, and it's twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

Dodge ‘em dance

WITH Strictly Come Dancing returning to our TV screens, reader Malcolm Boyd hopes it will include the Coronavirus Dance. “That’s when people meet on the pavement, or in a shop, and try to get out of each other's way,” he explains.

Tall tale

PHILOSOPHICAL thought from reader David Garner: “Why do people pay to go up tall buildings then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?”