Cracking up

THE Diary has always been fond of the quirky paintings of Salvador Dali and Rene Magritte. So we are delighted to hear that an equally inspired artist is living in a flat next to crime writer Graeme Macrae Burnet.

This person, as yet unidentified, left a plate sitting on the floor of the tenement landing. On that plate a cracked-open, raw egg was wobbling.

“A surrealist appears to have moved into my building,” concludes Graeme, who lives in Glasgow (though not Yolker).

The startling example of conceptual art has left Graeme feeling uneasy in a queasy sort of way. “I’m having an eggsistential crises,” he admits.

Footy faux pas

A WHILE ago reader Richard Sutton accompanied his girlfriend to her very first football match. She watched proceedings for a baffled 20 minutes in total silence, right up until the moment the ref booked one of the players.

At which point she said enthusiastically: “Oh, look! Someone got a card from the judge.”

Village people

WE recently suggested the laziest person in history was whoever named the Dumfries and Galloway village called Ae.

Reader Brian Wadham argues that perhaps it wasn’t an act of sloth, but a genuine misunderstanding.

He believes the following scenario must have played out:

High Heid Yin for Dumfries and Galloway Council: Huv ye named yon wee village yet?

Surprised minion: Ae?

High Heid Yin: Daft name, but it’ll dae.

Wicked Will

WE continue suggesting phrases that can be used in the theatre and the boudoir. Showing an excellent knowledge of Shakespeare’s The Tempest, Christine Brooks suggests: “Our revels now have ended.”

Flight of fancy

AN East Dunbartonshire philosopher tells us he has been kept up nights pondering life’s greatest mystery.

“Is making a salad rocket science?” he muses.

Barking mad story

FOR some reason lost in the mists of time, the Diary has been sharing stories of the doggy kind. Former Labour MP Jim McGovern gets in touch to tell us of a chap who arranges to meet his friend in the pub at 2pm, though the friend doesn’t arrive until three.

“Sorry I’m late,” he says. “Just playing a couple of hands of poker with my dog.”

“Wow!” says the first bloke. “Your dog plays poker? He must be smart.”

“Not really,” says the friend. “Every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail.”


OUR generous readers are always enthusiastic when it comes to backing good causes. For instance, Martin Ross from Neilston tells us: “Next week I’ll be attending an animal rights barbeque… yum!”

Read more: Those were the days