Modern love

A CHAP who admits to being an incurable romantic tells us about a blind date he went on in Glasgow’s West End.

When the lady in question, a friend of a friend, arrived at the designated meeting point, our chap was curious to know why she had agreed to the rendezvous.

She replied: “Well, I heard you’ve never been married and you’ve never been to jail.” Then, with a slight tilt of an eyebrow, she added: “Have I flattered your ego enough, now?”

Lost in translation

EAGER to purchase a hose attachment, reader Bob Jamieson found the very thing he was after on eBay. The salesperson was located in China, which might go some way to explaining the wonderfully expressive language used to advertise the hose. “This product has high pressure performance, can work under different pressures, and is easy to install,” boasted the add, before continuing: “In addition to professional car washing, it can also be used to wash watering plants and trees of motorcycles.”

Musing about moggies

A WHILE ago the Diary recklessly shared a story about a dog. Since then we’ve been inundated with eccentric, Fidocentric tales. (Or should that be tails?) Understandably, reader Russell Smith has had enough of this prejudicial attitude, where we favour one fuzzy critter over all others. In the spirit of making the discussion more inclusive and democratic, he demands that we also give cats a mention now and again.

To get things started, Russell has a very important questions to ask: can a cat be as sick as a dog?

Gallows humour

SCOTTISH comedian Leo Kearse has revealed he is a keen student of history. “I’m learning about the Salem witch trials,” he says. “It’s amazing that they managed to create a working version of Twitter using just a wooden courthouse, some screaming girls and a gallows.”

Cutting comment

HEADING out to the hairdressers, Martin Armstrong asked his wife what cut would suit him best. “A power cut,” she replied a tad unfairly.

Ba humbug

WE recently suggested the laziest person in history was whoever named the village called Ae. Ian Gray from Larbert argues that the person who came up with the moniker for the River Ba in Mull was equally devoid of oomph.

We assume this shameless sneak didn’t even attempt to devise a suitable name, but cheated instead, by asking the advice of a local sheep.

Drawn to disaster

“I TRIED to shave with a Bic,” says reader Mike Brunton. “Bad mistake. Got ink all over my chin.”

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