Swearing off literature
THE Diary is always happy to endorse a book published for educational purposes. By this we mean a tome that enhances the intellect of the individual while also elevating the moral standing of the community.
Deedee Cuddihy’s Wee Guide to Scottish Swearing is such a volume.
Available on Deedee’s Funny Scottish Books website, it promises ‘entry level playground swearing’ for the rank amateur. There’s also grittier fare for those who have reached a scholarly level of inquiry.
We particularly like a disclaimer on the back of the guide: ‘If you find anything in this book offensive, please complain as it could help to boost sales.’
Peers appear perished
BECAUSE the planet Venus is cloaked in ferociously hot gases, it has long been accepted that it’s incapable of sustaining life. This week scientists revealed that, contrary to calculations, micro organisms do appear to live there.
Reader Derek Small says: “Can we now conclude that the only place in the galaxy where there’s still no trace of life is the House of Lords?”
Travel advice
A SNIPPET of dialogue overheard on Argyle Street by reader Adam Dunlop.
First woman: We’re saving up for Disneyland for next summer. Then the year after, hopefully Paris.
Second woman: Oh, Disneyland’s wonderful. But I wouldn’t bother with Paris. It’s completely fake.
Dictionary corner
THE Diary’s inhouse lexicographer, Doug Maughan, is devising alternative meanings of words. Here’s his latest ditzy definition.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realise it was your money to begin with.
Mauled monk
WE’VE been attempting to discover the laziest person to ever name a geographical location. John Donohoe points out that an abrupt or idiosyncratic place name isn’t always the result of indolence.
He believes that whoever named the River E near Loch Ness must have been a canny Highlander who took joy in hoarding letters.
Our reader also suspects that the monk who marked the little hill on Iona known as ‘Dun I’ was interrupted in his endeavours by Viking marauders.
(In other words, the poor chap was dun in.)
Taking the biscuit
STROLLING through Buchanan Galleries, reader Mary Borthwick noticed her husband using the free hand gel supplied by numerous dispensers. Sometimes he squirted several times a minute, even when he wasn’t touching anything. Mary thought this rather excessive.
“The problem is it’s so moreish,” explained hubby. “You know, like Jaffa Cakes.”
Deadly silence
CONCERNED reader Penny Burke asks: “How many mine artists choke to death every year because people just assume it’s part of the act?”
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereLast Updated:
Report this comment Cancel