Child’s play

BABIES are rather boring, as any parent will tell you. They can’t tap dance, play guitar or entertain you with an amusing anecdote. Yet people continue to fill their houses with the things. Who knows why? Perhaps babies are viewed as lush ornamentation to add colour and vibrancy to a house, complementing the

Dresden China figurine and that swanky ceramic vas from the Potteries. The only problem with this theory is that babies tend to break your Dresden China figurine and that swanky ceramic vas from the Potteries. Then they do unspeakable things to the living room carpet. Yet one American couple seem to have found the perfect use for their baby. They allowed the six-month-old to jet ski solo on a lake, then posted pictures of the accomplishment on social media. Some fuming fuddy-duddies complained this was reckless. Though as the following tales from our vaults prove, the relationship between adults and children is often imprudent.

Jammy dodger

A FIVE year old girl was once visiting her grandmother who had no sweets in the house and instead gave the child an oatcake covered with jam as a treat.

A few minutes later the little girl appeared back in the kitchen with the uneaten oatcake on the plate, now minus the jam, and announced: “Thanks for the jam, Granny. And here’s your wee board back.”

Back chat: Part 1

A BISHOPBRIGGS reader overheard a verbal tussle between a harassed mother and her recalcitrant child at the local shops with the youngster defiantly stating: “You call it talking back. I just call it explaining.”


A WHALE swimming in Glasgow’s River Clyde drew curious crowds to the riverbank. A Radio Scotland reporter interviewing the crowds recorded an excitable child shouting: “Er it’s there.” The moments was spoiled by the child’s mother, who added: “Naw, ratza duck.”

Present not perfect

A MILNGAVIE teenager was asked by her parents what she would like for her 17th birthday. She replied a tad hopefully: “Something I can drive.”

“A golf ball doesn’t cost much,” replied her dad.

Wages blown

A BEARSDEN reader who took her children to a fete was watching a young chap making balloon animals when her young daughter asked him: “What are you making?”

With an exaggerated sigh, he replied: “Minimum wage.”

Cinematic slip-up

A FATHER once told us his young son wanted to see a film called Up You. He thought that a rather demotic phrase for a wholesome movie, so checked The Herald film guide and was relieved to learn it was in fact Up (U).

Back chat: Part 2

A READER in Silverburn Shopping Centre didn’t know whether to be impressed or appalled by the youngster, only about six, who was told by his exasperated mother: “Stop that! And I’m not going to tell you again!” The little one came back with: “Good. I was getting bored hearing you say that.”

Devilishly good

WE recall the father who, putting on a fresh shirt, grumbled at his two angelic sons sitting on the sofa: “Other weans make their mothers too tired to want to go out. But not you two.”