Hollywood to Holyrood

GERARD Butler is having one of those "where did it all go wrong?" moments that are usually the preserve of people whose bank accounts and pectorals don’t bulge quite so much as his. Admittedly, the Paisley-born movie star has been having a rough time, splitting up with his girlfriend and recovering from a motorcycle accident. He’s now on a quest to make a “deeper impact”, meaning the acting career might be kaput. But what next? The Diary has some suggestions.

1) Gerard’s a Glasgow Uni law graduate, so is fully qualified to do a bit of Rumpoling, Old Bailey-style. His acting experience would come in handy, as lawyers also adore wearing wigs and talking without interruption.

2) Become an MSP. Gerard’s Hollywood hunksomeness would fit right in with such windswept and interesting figures as Richard Leonard and Patrick Harvie.

3) Work as the Diary’s copy boy, brewing tea etc. Gerard’s mighty muscles would be put to good use unscrewing our frustratingly stiff tea caddy lid. And if that isn’t making a deeper impact, what is?

Quids in

IT’S sad news that Cineworld is temporarily closing theatres, with jobs at risk. Sports broadcaster Jim Spence has a curious memory involving the cinema chain. Years ago he argued furiously with one of its managers. Weeks later he stopped his car during a downpour to give a lift to a cyclist with a puncture. Once the fellow was in the car, Jim recognised the Cineworld manager.

“I don’t hold grudges,” says Jim. “So I gave him a quid for the bus when I put him out.”

Inaction movie

WITH the cinematic world unravelling, the release of the new James Bond movie, No Time to Die, is shelved until next year at the earliest.

Reader Stephen Murray believes such procrastinating invites a renaming of previous Bond flicks.

He suggests: Dr No Quite Yet, Wait Another Day and Tomorrow Never Happens.

Weapon of choice

MODERN world woes: Reader Donald Walker overheard a pensioner in a shop say: “There’s a gang of wee terrors down our street using face masks as slingshots. So much for those things protecting and saving lives.”

Hirsutes you, sir

IN the pub, reader Stan Byrne overheard a well-pickled wench say to her beau: “Ah love the way your eyebrows meet in the middle. It’s like a wee Forth Road Bridge.”

Pause for thought

INSPIRATIONAL thought from reader Carol Lawrence: “I’ve taken up meditation. It’s much better than just sitting doing nothing.”

Dating game

READER Arnold Burston is a realist. “I’m single by choice,” he says. “Though not my choice.”

Read more: Those were the days