Jobbing writer

THE nation’s artistic fraternity has been mulling over Chancellor Rishi Sunak’s recent comment, where he stated that many workers, including musicians, will have to learn new skills and forge fresh careers because of the precarious economic situation.

Crime writer Douglas Skelton is thinking about retraining as a politician. A good fit, as he already has most of the qualifications. “I make a lot of stuff up and I live in a world of my own,” he explains.

Thrill of three

A CHUM of reader Robin Gilmour was about to head off to the supermarket, shopping list in hand, when his wife called out: “Get a packet of three from the chemist.”

The fellow was understandably all a tingle at this development, believing a night of bacchanalian revelries was on the cards.

To make sure, he called back: “Sorry dear. I didn’t quite catch that.”

“You know,” said the good woman. “A packet of three face masks.”

Watch the birdy

ANOTHER memorable moment involving a grandchild. A reader’s grandson was watching his dad prepare a chicken for roasting. Together they identified all the parts: wings, legs, breast. Then the inquisitive little chap asked: "Where are its nuggets?"

Film finito

HERALD writer Catriona Stewart recently mentioned that ODEON is an acronym. Harry Young from Newton Mearns has taken a guess at what the letters stand for: Oh Dear, Everyone’s On Netflix.


SCHOOL parents evenings can be difficult for children as they are forced to listen to one grumpy adult explain their shortcomings to another grumpy adult. Though that isn’t always the case. Rebecca Peterson from Langside recalls attending one such event. A chance remark from Rebecca’s mother, regarding her passion for knitting, was enthusiastically seized upon by the Maths teacher, who also enjoyed the pastime.

“I had to sit there and listen to ten minutes of knitting talk,” says Rebecca. “I hardly got a mention. Which was just as well. I was a rotten student.”

Fairlie good pun

THE Diary was sad to hear of the passing of singer Johnny Nash. Stewart Daniels from Cairneyhill believes the good people of Arran will also recall the crooner’s career with fondness, especially his global hit ‘I Can See Fairlie Now the Rain Has Gone’.

Mist opportunity

WE continue collecting words for our updated dictionary. Russell Smith from Kilbirnie suggests: Bigamist (n). A very thick fog.

Grounds for improvement

WATCHING a BBC current affairs update, reader Willie Towers was delighted to hear the expression ground-breaking news. “At last, the pneumatic drill is being replaced,” he says.