WHEN it comes to impressive politicians, our nation has been on a downward trajectory since the day Robert The Bruce hung up his broadsword – but things may be changing.

Craig Cathcart, from Edinburgh, received a leaflet through the door on behalf of Scottish Conservative Party leader Douglas Ross. It states: “Douglas and his wife Krystle, who is a police sergeant, have a one-year-old son Alistair. He’s a qualified football referee and became the first assistant to run the line at two Scottish Cup Finals.”

A one-year-old who radiates the stern and commanding authority to officiate at footy games? Impressive. The Diary demands the little lad be made PM immediately.

Though our reader, Craig, is less enamoured: “I thought even the Tories had moved on from supporting child labour,” he says.

Arcadia no more

TIME Out Magazine recently named Dennistoun the eighth trendiest place to live in the world. Unfortunately not everyone is chic enough to reside in Glasgow’s east end.

Former Labour MP Gemma Doyle once went to see a flat in the neighbourhood. The chap who met her at the door said: “Naw, this isnae for you hen.”

Thus ended Gemma’s delirious Dennistoun daydream.

Foggy recollection

COMEDIAN Andy Cameron tells us that 1950s Glasgow was ferociously foggy. (Back then the sky was as steaming as your average Glaswegian.)

Andy recalls being a 15-year-old Rangers fan, and sitting on a supporters bus heading to Motherwell when the weather turned particularly inclement.

Hughie Donnan, the bus convener, was a man with a line for every occasion, including this one.

“If that fog goes away, it’ll no’ be missed,” muttered Hughie.

Cafe society

A MUSICAL interlude, provided by reader George Dale… or is it George Gershwin?

“You say I`m a restaurant, I say I`m a cafe, the new regulations, are all a bit naffy,

Cafe, Restaurant, Restaurant, Cafe,

Let`s call the whole thing off.”

Bar banter barred

ON the subject of the hospitality industry. Reader John Mulholland concedes the stringent new restrictions affect lives, livelihoods and businesses. Though he believes we can still be thankful for one thing: “The demise of that genre of terrible jokes that begin with the phrase: ‘A man walks into a bar ...’”

Paradise postponed

WE continue collecting words for our updated dictionary. Murray Macmillan suggests: Dilate (v). To live long.

Success or sucker?

IT’S not easy being a success, says reader Rory Marshall, though he’s managed it. “I started out with nothing,” he says. “And I still have most of it.”