Flaggin’ waggon

A DIARY picture of a humorous sign attached to a campervan reminds reader Brian Wadham of a decrepit old van he once spotted with the letters PUF in its registration.

Inspired by those letters, the hippy owner of the vehicle had painted on its side: Puff the Tragic Wagon.

Tipsy tutorials

OUR readers may be under the impression that these truly are the worst of times. Not so, says forward-thinking Norrie Johnstone, who argues that worse is to come.

“In twenty years time this country will be run by kids who were home-schooled by alcoholics,” he points out.

Ill wind

EDUCATION used to be a more sober affair, as retired head teacher Amy Kinnaird from Ochiltree explains. She was once in her office when there was a tentative knock on the door.

On opening it she was confronted by two little brothers, Kevin and Tommy. Kevin sobbed most tragically while Tommy attempted to provide what solace he could.

It transpired that there had been a terrible accident… in Kevin’s trousers.

Amy took the boys to the medical room where cleaning materials and new clothing were provided.

As Kevin brightened up he turned to his saviour and explained the calamitous events of the day. “I thought it was a fart, and here, it was a jobby," he said.

Bar to bars

A READER claimed yesterday that legal restrictions hampering the hospitality industry may lead to the demise of jokes commencing with the words “A man walks into a bar...”

Not so, says Andrew Currie from Kilmarnock, who suggests a pithy new addition to the genre: “A man walks into a bar… lucky fella.”

(We feel duty-bound to add that the fella will only remain lucky until the local constabulary catch up with him. At which point he’ll be nursing his hangover behind bars. And not those bars that dispense frothing pints of Tennent’s, we hasten to add.)

Masking the truth

OBSERVANT Diary correspondent Hugh Peebles recently informed us that he spotted a shop mannequin wearing a mask, which he found rather odd.

Reader Bill Thompson responds: “Doesn’t he realise it’s the dummies who aren’t wearing masks that are spreading the virus?”

Salad dressing-down

THE modern woke ideology antagonises many, though not politically correct reader John Randall who says: “Julius Caesar enslaved thousands of Celts. Isn’t it time we took his name off the salad?”

Socket to ‘em

AMERICAN politics is increasingly fractious, notes reader Tom Williams, who suggests: “Has anyone tried unplugging the United States, then plugging it back in?”

Read more: Those were the days