Avian antics

DURING his time playing the lead character in Doctor Who, David Tennant faced many intimidating foes, including Daleks and Cybermen. In real life the antagonists he comes up against are slightly smaller, though no less determined. For instance, we hear that a very large pigeon has been trying to invade the house he shares in London with wife Georgia.

The feathered fiend doesn’t appear to be interested in flying, only stomping up to the front door. When ever Georgia takes it back to the end of the garden, it stomps right back.

Exasperated by this state of affairs, Mrs Tennant has requested help on social media.

One expert suggests training the winged interloper, adding: “Make it get the groceries. Pay the bills. Basically I’m saying get a pigeon butler.”

Ghostly goings on

WE’VE been devising Halloween costumes for senior political figures. Alan Middleton suggests Nicola Sturgeon should combine the season of guising with a hint of Christmas by dressing as Scrooge. “After all,” explains our reader, “Scrooge was haunted by his former business partner Marley. Though in the updated Sturgeon version, the business partner would, of course, be named Alex.”

The wheel deal

STROLLING home through the Dalry district of Edinburgh, just before 2am in the morning, actress Nicola Roy spotted one of those entirely normal street scenes you’re likely to witness in our capital city. A man on a unicycle, who proceeded to peddle into a wall.

What happened to the unicyclist (or the wall, for that matter) remains unclear, as Nicola didn’t stick around to find out. Though our Glasgow readers will no doubt interpret this little story as providing evidence of something they’ve suspected for a very long time. That Edinburgh is a city of clowns. Though who could have suspected they would be of the big top variety?

Virtual valour

ADVENTUROUS reader Gavin Joyce says: “I’ve never been sky diving, though I have zoomed in on Google Earth really fast.”

What a pickle

THE Herald recently reported that a chippy is selling deep fried pickled onions. Reader Matt Warburton would never eat anything so unhealthy. “I prefer a salad,” he says, adding after a moment’s reflection: “Deep fried, of course.”

The solution sucks

WHEN Colin Greeves' wife caught him standing on the bathroom scales, sucking in his stomach, she chuckled and said: “That won’t help.”

“Sure it will,” our reader responded. “It’ll allow me to see the numbers.”

Close encounters

“GUESS who I bumped into on the way to get my glasses fixed,” says reader George Munro. “Everybody.”