Scot or not?

FOR some unfathomable reason very few Scots boasted about Donald Trump’s heritage during his magnificent White House reign.

Now that his presidential pomp has been punctured, we can perhaps start admitting to ourselves that Donald undoubtedly has a soupcon of tartan DNA. Though some folk will never be persuaded that he’s one of our ain.

Reader Aidan McKay once overheard a puggled pub-based pontificator mutter into his beer: “That Trump fella’s maw cannae be frae Alba. Albanian? Mibbe. But Alba? Naw!”

Joe Wobble

ON the flip side, many Scots would happily embrace Joe Biden as our kith and kin. Even though he’s not. (The Irish tourist board got to him first.) However, Jane Williams from Langside resolutely refuses to give up hope that Joe might be a wee bitty Scottish.

“He often gets his words confused and he’s shaky on his feet,” she points out, adding: “That’s surely a Scottish trait as my husband’s the same way. Especially after one too many single malts.”

Chipping in

THERE are many swanky restaurants in Stirling, where reader Margaret McAleavy abides. Though she recalls one chap she dated many years ago who didn’t believe in fine dining. This fellow always drove Margaret to a local chip shop for a date. They would purchase their greasy bundles of fried fare then proceed to consume them in the car outside the chippy.

Once Margaret tentatively suggested this wasn’t exactly the high life she aspired to enjoy.

“What d’you mean?” replied her offended paramour. “I bought the chips, didn’t I? And I’ve got the car radio playing classical music.”

Happy daze

WITH a coronavirus vaccine looking increasingly likely to be available soon, we’re devising upbeat phrases that mean to love life, similar to “I’m on cloud nine”, though with a more Scottish flavour.

Robert Chadwick suggests the amiable and alliterative: “I’m a jocular jock, no joking.”

Dinky drollery

A RECENT photograph in the Diary referencing particularly diminutive people reminds reader Ian Ramsden of a former captain of his local golf club. It was often said about this compact chap that he had to use a ladder to paint his skirting boards.

Food for thought

CULINARY confusion is supplied by Bob Miller from Airdrie, who asks: “Do all vegetarian pasties have to be made in Quornwall?”

TV or not TV?

COCKAMAMIE comment time. Reader Margot Tilson was hoping to watch the Origami World Cup on television. “Unfortunately it was only available on paper view,” she sighs.

(The Diary admits to being creased up laughing at this gag.)

Read more: Those were the days