Getting our kicks

AFTER years of flummox, flail and failure, the Diary is cock-a-hoop to report that Scotland have finally triumphed at that kickyball thing we previously struggled to master.

We are reliably informed that our heroic sporting chaps have won the Euro 2020 championships in decisive style.

No. Wait. News just in. It appears that we merely qualified for the competition, meaning there are more games to play before we hold aloft the trophy that is rightfully ours.

Still, let’s not damp down the delight just yet. This is the year 2020, after all, when we need all the positivity that’s available.

More to the point, Scotland kickyball aficionados have been trapped in a permanent 2020 since Ally MacLeod and chums returned from Argentina with nothing more than sunburn.

With this in mind, we now recall some classic and uplifting Diary tales of sporting glory…

Price is right

THE year 2012 was one of conspicuous highs and lows for Dundee United. Nevertheless, fans were asked, via Facebook, for their club highlight of the season.

One supporter, clearly not keen to allow the team’s wayward form to get him down, showed where his real priorities lay: “I bought two pies, two Bovrils and a packet of cheese ‘n’ onion McCoys once. Did not get charged for the McCoys. Buzzing.”

Footy faux pas

IT has long been rumoured that Partick Thistle has posher fans than most clubs. We recall the story about a woman who was dropping her young son off at Firhill and shouted after him: “Don’t forget to eat your sandwiches during the intermission.”

Box of delights

YEARS ago, when it had just been revealed that Gordon Strachan was to become Scotland manager, a reader found himself in a London pub listening to the announcement.

An English chap further up the bar said: “Strachan says he’s already preparing for the World Cup.” The chap then added: “Must have bought himself a new telly.”

Throwing a tantrum

FOOTY fans can be a fierce bunch. Though sometimes ballboys are even worse. A Dumbarton fan told us of a ballboy who was sent off in the 1950s when he disagreed with a ref’s decision and managed to hit the official on the napper with a carefully aimed pie.

Rough ref

A READER was once in Ruislip, watching a rugby match in the London League, when a rather posh-accented captain of one side approached the ref and declared: “Referee, are you aware that you have awarded 10 penalties against us and given none?”

In a gruff Scottish accent, the ref replied: “Naw, yer wrang. It’s now 11, so get back 10 metres before it’s 12.”

Thus ended the conversation.


A FEMALE public relations executive recalled her fledgling days in the trade when she had a meeting at 11am with a well-known Scottish football manager.

Offered a refreshment, she asked for an orange juice. Despite the earliness of the hour, the football manager generously said: “Do ye no’ want a wee vodka in that, hen?”

Rocket shot

A READER in England once spotted the headline “Scotland set to launch first satellite” and remarked: “Otherwise known as a ‘shot on goal’.”

Read more: Those were the days