Seasonal spree

CHRISTMAS comes but once a year. Though the preamble last months. In Glasgow the festive spirit is already upon us. Reader Julie Stewart was walking past a family in Giffnock that included a mum, a dad and a little boy and girl.

They had clearly just hopped off a train, as the parents were laden with parcels. The little girl said enthusiastically: “Can we go back to town, where we can do what we just did?”

Her brother showed his approval for this sentiment by skipping along in a carefree manner, singing a song of his own invention. What the lyrics lacked in complexity they made up for in evocativeness.

“Spend! Spend! Spend! Spend!” trilled the little chap.

The bends

THERE are many heroes amongst the Scotland squad who qualified for Euro 2021. Though most plaudits should undoubtedly be heaped upon spoon bender Uri Geller.

During the penalty shoot out, the Geller fella, watching the game on TV, used his mystical powers to make a Serb player miss a shot on goal, thus gifting the game to Scotland.

Impressed reader Tobias Morgan believes Scots should plead with Geller to help with our other problems.

“Nicola Sturgeon should ask Uri to persuade Boris Johnson to accept another independence referendum,” says Tobias.

He adds: “Bending Boris’s resolve should be easier than bending a spoon. Carrie Symonds doesn’t have Uri’s powers, and she manages it just fine.”

President still resident

THOUGHTFUL reader John Mulholland asks: “Is Donald Trump’s refusal to accept that he’s been ‘unpresidented’ unprecedented?”

Forcefully French

IT’S true that many Americans fear Trump will continue ignoring the election result and try to cling to power. Though Gareth Anderson from Cumbernauld says not to worry, explaining: “It’s not a coup unless it comes from the coup d’état region of France. Otherwise it’s just a sparkling authoritarian takeover.”

Tall tale/small people

OUR readers have been horrifying us with tales of how cruel people can be about those of a diminutive stature. In a change of pace, Bill Lindsay tells us a tragic story. “My parents were tiny and lived in abject poverty,” he sighs. “Every day they struggled to put food on the table.”

Royal engagement

THE entertainment world is short of live gigs at present. Though Edinburgh stand-up comedian Martin Bearne isn’t too concerned. “I’m going into after-dinner speaking,” he explains. “Not paid. I’m just going to shout at people in Burger King.”

Stuff(ing) and nonsense

CLAIRVOYANTLY minded reader Laura Price has a prediction for the future: “Taxidermists will be replaced by Uberdermists.”