Fighting talk

WE recently mentioned that towering historical figures from the past, such as Churchill and Lincoln, are now treated with contempt by the modern era’s woke tribe.

It transpires that it’s not only social justice warriors who are dismissive of our former heroes. Computer search engines are also getting rather inpertinent.

Primary teacher Alison Brunning was working on her laptop, researching the Second World War for a school history project.

She Googled "Churchill" and the first thing to appear on her screen was the insurance company who go by that name.

“Is this why our nation fought a war?” harrumphs Alison. “So an insurance company can get all the credit?”

Hard to swallow

AFTER we revealed a Trump sandwich was being sold in a Scottish bar our culinary-minded correspondents started imagining what other delicacies could be introduced.

Reader Stan Plimpton wants to see swanky restaurants offer a three course meal titled the Rishi Sunak Surprise.

The opulent feast would include foie gras with a sprinkling of caviar, swan soaked in truffle oil and mousse laced with champagne.

Stan adds: “The ‘surprise’ bit comes when you receive the bill and realise there’s no way you can pay for it.”

Raging Rangers

ON opening an email from the ‘Scottish Construction Now’ website, reader Alastair Kelly was intrigued to read the headline: “Rangers given green light for new multi-purpose venue at Ibrox.”

We predict mixed emotions amongst fans for such a colourful concept.

Meat and greet

WE continue listing those upbeat phrases that give Scotland its reputation as the most carefree of nations. Eric Arbuckle from Largs informs us that an annoyed person is said to have a face like: “A pun o’ sca’ered mince.”

What you call such a person when they happen to be a vegan, we can only guess.

Fishy tale

IN hushed, David Attenborough tones, reader Adam Nelson educates us in the ways of the natural world, informing us that the swordfish faces few natural predators.

“Though it is a little bit scared of the penfish,” says Adam, “which is, of course, mightier.”


ON a train a while ago, reader Mary Ross overheard a young woman discussing a former boyfriend on her mobile phone. At one point she said: “I’m well rid, anyway, cos he was dead arrogant. Didn’t blow his own trumpet. He had a tuba, instead.”

Last word

A SAD tale of a career in ruins from reader David Marshall, who writes: “It’s totally unfair that I was fired on my first day as a signwirter.”