Wedding balls

THE Diary was sad to hear of the death of footballer Diego Maradona. His exploits in a certain 1986 World Cup quarter-final should have bagged him Scottish Footballer of the Year, no matter the details written on his passport.

Our nation first fell in love with the diminutive dribbling dynamo in 1979, when he outperformed everyone on the pitch, playing against our national team at Hampden.

Sports broadcaster Dougie Donnelly took his girlfriend Linda to that match, and admits he had something extra special to thank Diego for on that day.

Linda was so impressed by what she witnessed on the pitch that she agreed to marry Dougie.

(We presume she also liked Dougie quite a lot. Though watching a footy genius do his thrill-a-minute thing is always helpful, when it comes to giving true love a nudge in the right direction.)

I spy

NICOLA Sturgeon is looking for a picture that represents kindness to use for her Christmas card this year. Reader Gavin Moore has a suggestion: “What about a sweet and heart-warming image of the SNP’s Westminster leader, Ian Blackford, with binoculars and notepad in hand, as he attempts to spot and shop anyone who dares cross the Scottish border.”

Highs and lows

WHEN the nine-year-old granddaughter of Claire Locke overheard her use the phrase “up to high doh” she was rather confused.

The little girl enquired: “Before you reach high doh, do you have to pass low doh and middle doh?”

Weighty problem

WITH the First Minister urging the wider family to avoid meeting indoors over Christmas, reader John Cochrane has two questions.

1) Is this not discriminatory towards wider folk?

2) Can wider families fit through doors in the first place?

Religious news

WE continue updating Christmas songs to suit modern sensibilities. Gordon Casely from Kincardineshire has an excellent idea, suggesting honing down an old classic so that it becomes: ‘Hark the Herald’.

(Quite right, too. We’ve always considered our newspaper to be something of a beatific broadsheet.)

Keep on truckin’

YESTERDAY we revealed that Scotland’s gritters all have their own names, which are painted on their sides. We’ve already named (and quite possibly shamed) one of those vehicles. A process we continue by shining a spotlight on another truck known as… Grit Expectations.

Horsing around

TODAY’S proceedings conclude with a joke that reader Jeremy Smedley’s young grandson, Peter, told him. Being a generous sort, Peter agreed to let grandpa share it with us.

Why do Canadian cowboys have sticky feet?

Maple stirrups.