IN recent years Barbara Windsor, who sadly died this week, was best known as the landlady of the Queen Vic in EastEnders. The Diary, however, was fondest of the Carry On films she starred in, playing a bonsai Marilyn Monroe for a Blighty audience.

Nowadays the Carry On flicks are much maligned for their seaside postcard vision of the UK. Though surely this was a more accurate interpretation of life on these shores than anything filmed by Ken Russell or David Lean?

After all, there’s only one way to describe Britain’s current ballyhoo with Brussels: Carry On Brexit. (With Boris Johnson in the lead role, combining the heroic qualities of both Sid James and Terry-Thomas.)

The Diary admits that it, too, is often a Carry On caper in newspaper form, as the following stories from our archives underline.

For instance, we once discovered that the organiser of a conference in Newfoundland on the subject of Training for Survival and Rescue at Sea was a Captain Drown.

Carry On Coding

A COMPUTER-SAVVY reader once told us: “Of course my password’s insecure. So would you be if you were replaced every six months.”

Carry On Driving

A GLASGOW reader told us about his optimistic pal who was stopped by the police for speeding. The officer came over to his car and asked: “Do you know why you were stopped?” His friend came out with the hopeful, yet misguided, reply: “Are you possibly looking for directions?”

Carry On Kidding

A TEACHER desperate for the Christmas break swore to us that he asked his class what the difference was between ignorance and apathy. A pupil replied: “Don’t know and don’t care.”

Carry On Crashing

A READER Recalled that when Stornoway got its first set of traffic lights in the 1980s, an elderly chap from rural Lewis drove in for his annual shopping and went straight through the red light, narrowly missing an old dear on her zimmer.

When the cops stopped him and asked if he saw the lights, he innocently replied: “Oh, aye. They’re ferry nice.”

Carry On Clubbing

VISITING the golf club, a reader heard a senior chap playing nearby announce he had consumed his five-a-day before leaving the house. A fellow golfer asked if he was on a health kick. The chap replied: “Pills: statin, warfarin, prostate, beta-blockers and now hay fever.”

Carry On Hounding

MISSING the point was the chap in the park who didn’t clean up after his dog. When an irate fellow park user pointed out the sign stating "Dog fouling, maximum fine £100", he replied: “Nothing for me to worry about. My dog doesn’t play football.”

Carry On Careering

READERS are always phoning in with daft comments. One chap told us: “I’m looking to start my own business, recycling discarded chewing gum. I just need help getting it off the ground.”