GLASGOW author Deedee Cuddihy has received a purchase order for her latest book from no less an institution than the Bodleian Library of Oxford University.

Copies have also been requested for Cambridge University’s library, the National Library of Scotland, the National Library of Wales and Trinity College in Dublin.

But which learned volume are these august institutions planning to place on their sacred shelves?

Deedee’s mucky magnum opus, The Wee Guide To Scottish Swearing.

Having perused the book in question, the Diary can confirm it is more scatological than scholarly.

On the flip side, it does have greater entertainment value than Immanuel Kant’s Critique Of Pure Reason, which (alas) can also be discovered on the shelves of our better libraries.

Bamboozled by book

ON a related matter, reader Matt Brown found himself struggling in his local library recently. “I couldn’t find a book on camouflage,” he sighs.

Number’s up

A HOOPS supporter from Bishopbriggs was listening to a Radio Scotland sports programme the other day. At one point the pundit Michael Stewart said of Celtic’s shaky form: “Their position is untenable.”

Our reader fervently hopes Stewart is wrong, and that not only is Celtic’s position tenable this season, but that next year it will become elevenable.

Addressing the situation

WE hear of one lucky chap in rural Dumfries and Galloway who boasted on social media that he had managed, at long last, to secure an appointment with his dentist.

“Trouble is,” said this chap, “I am supposed to turn up wearing a mask and ‘a minimum of clothes’. Could that mean swimming trunks? Think it is going to be an interesting day..."

Heavenly harangue

WE continue recalling those quality quips delivered by the late golf commentator Peter Alliss. A Denny reader recalls Alliss observing a hapless golfer struggling to extricate his ball from a bunker. The distraught sportsman ended up with his arms aloft, face raised to the heavens, mouthing soundlessly.

"Appealing for help from an outside agency is contrary to the rules of golf," Alliss pointed out drily.

Larking about

ANOTHER memorable phrase used to describe the thinner fellow. Bob Wallace, from Pollokshields, Glasgow, recalls it being said of skinny chaps: "Ah've seen mair fat oan a creashy knife."

Another favourite being: "Ah bet he's a braw singer. He's goat legs like a lark.”

Knotty problem

PEOPLE often receive the motivational advice not to fold under pressure. Reader John Mulholland asks: “How does that work if you are a contestant in an origami competition?”