Potty about plants

HOME-BASED hobbies are the happening thing, with plant growing particularly popular. In the past this meant chucking some water in the general direction of a clay pot, then forgetting about it until those frisky shoots and leaves turned dry and crumbly, like an Egyptian mummy who’s mislaid its tube of moisturising cream.

But with most people trapped at home there’s now plenty of time to encourage greenery to grow, either through abject pleading or snarled threats.

Some folk have even resorted to playing their plants music. According to a survey undertaken by website Pointless Plants, the music of Scotland’s Lewis Capaldi is the most popular for coaxing some boomtime blooming.

The Diary’s yet to determine whether the survey interviewed plant owners or chatty vegetation.

Though we’re guessing the plants would have preferred the tunes of The Hothouse Flowers or The Bluebells.

Fishy destination

LINGUISTICALLY minded reader Paul H. Costello is mulling over alternative meanings for well known locations. He suggests Pollokshields = Fish waiting for vaccine.

Talking balls

ANOTHER memory of the late Andy Gray, one of Scotland’s finest comic actors. Reader Tim Huntingford spent an evening in a Perth watering hole with the entertainer, who was appearing in a local theatre. The pub was full of Welsh rugby supporters up for a game at Murrayfield. Andy and Tim got chatting to two Welsh women, who on being introduced to Andy, believed him to be the famous Scottish footballer of the same name.

Andy didn’t disabuse them of this notion, and for the rest of the evening he gave a virtuoso performance as a kickabout king.

TV or not TV?

CURIOUS reader John Delaney asks: “Do Spanish folk sit in front of the telly watching ‘A Place in the Wind and Rain’?”

Steak out

WE’VE been enjoying a sly chuckle at the foibles of waiting staff, though reader John Hart reminds us that customers also have their calamitous moments. One of John’s friends went on a first date as a teenager and splashed out on a posh restaurant. After this naïve young fellow had ordered steak, the waiter enquired how he’d like it done.

“Grilled?” came the reply.

Bad guy Burns

STIRLING based novelist Ross Sayers is disgusted that many of his friends are preparing to celebrate Burns.

“He can’t remember Homer Simpson's name despite him working at his power plant for thirty years,” says Ross. “He’s no good!”

The hard cell

A PHILOSOPHICAL question from reader David Donaldson, who asks: “Are we locked down or up?”