Confusing cow

SCOTTISH golf broadcaster Diane Knox is based in the States, though her Celtic connections remain robust. She even owns a framed picture of a certain statue of the Duke of Wellington wearing a traffic cone.

Recently her boyfriend surprised her with a gift he bought to remind Diane of her native land. An ornamental glass cow. At first glance it may not seem particularly Scottish, though Diane explains it harks back to home because: “When I talk to Americans about Glasgow, they pronounce it Glass-Cow.”


THE Diary recently published a picture of an incorrectly spelled sign, which leads reader Brendan Keenan to rush to the defence of who ever wrote the message.

Brendan used to work for Dumbreck Decorators, where the policy was to teach apprentices to write ‘WAT PAINT’ or ‘WET PIANT’ on outdoor jobs.

The reason being that passers-by would notice the mistake and be more likely to heed the message.

Wonky spelling. It really kapchurz thi atenshun.

Deadly destination

WE continue to provide alternative meanings for well known locations. Reader Jim Meikle suggests: Killearn = An advert for a hitman.

Alternative Alices

THE main reason for the Diary’s existence is to provide succour for those in most need. Of late this has meant helping singer Amy Macdonald, who has been swithering over whether to watch new TV programme Finding Alice, or the similarly sounding show Losing Alice.

Understandably she wants to discover more about this mysterious lady before committing to either gaining or being deprived of her.

Reader George Kelly suggests that Amy should get in touch with fellow musician Arlo Guthrie, who apparently has been claiming that Alice joined the service industry in a managerial capacity.

Bliss with Bobby

AS we edge ever closer to Valentine’s Day, reader Jim Hamilton has been thinking of those special people who mean so much. “Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever,” says Jim. “We call these people cops.”

Home sweet home

WHILE arguments rage over whether the Prime Minister should be allowed to visit a certain northern part of the United Kingdom, reader Christine Brooks notes that Boris will no doubt always receive a warm welcome in Toryglen.

Fishy tale

WITH its cheerful disposition a dog is often described as a man’s best friend. Other pets are not always so affectionate, points out reader Marc Oliver, who says: “I can never tell what my pet fish wants. Why does he have to be so koi?”