Kevin McKenna: Scottish independence referendum would be divisive? That's the idea, Lord Dunlop

Failing to find anything of note emerging from a Google search you find yourself turning to the tool of last resort. Perhaps he’s a product of a new, smarter honours system. In this one, you don’t get preferment for anything you’ve actually done but for what might lie in the future. It’s an incentive.

His Lordship is a former Scotland Minister from that period when to be found loitering with a posh accent in the vicinity of the ministerial building immediately secured you an interview.

During that unremarkable two-year stint as a Scotland Minister this resident of Horsham (West Sussex, apparently) produced nothing of any note. Thus, he was the perfect candidate when Theresa May, nearing the end of her time At Downing Street, felt she’d better get a trusty retainer to say something profound on strengthening the Union. That was nearly two years ago. Boris Johnson has had his report for 15 months and has never thought to give it an outing.

READ MORE: Lord Dunlop: PM should build 'Union of Co-operation' to strengthen UK in 21st century

Perhaps impatient for his day in the sun His Lordship has offered his vision of the Union to the Policy Exchange which published his paper on it today. This is a think-tank which describes itself as centre-Right. Yet, as that territory has now been annexed by Sir Keir Starmer, the Policy Exchange is now probably just plain old utter Right.

If Dunlop’s paper is an indicator of what is to come in his Strengthening the Union Report - now due out before Easter - it will be as forgettable as his career as a high-class Tory errand boy. Here are some highlights. On Boris Johnson’s refusal to grant a second referendum, why it’s “plain, common sense”, stupid.

A second referendum, he says, would be “costly and divisive”. Admittedly, a lot of work has gone into this upgrade from Ruth Davidson’s “nasty and divisive”. Oh, and there would be “damaging consequences” and “throughout the UK” at that. Wee hint to his Lordship: that’s kinda the general idea of a Scottish independence referendum.

Lord Dunlop’s plan for building a Union fit for the 21st century? “The right governing attitude and tone”. After this, the sweet nothings come thick and fast. “The UK is the world’s most successful joint venture”. It’s a “shared endeavour” and also a “Union of Cooperation”.

He actually finds room for that idiom favoured by featureless politicians from all parties, “going forward”, as though there were any other direction in which to go.

READ MORE: Pete Wishart: Indyref2 this year possible if everything falls into place but 'more likely' to be in 2022

Lord Dunlop attended Glenalmond College in Perthshire, the most expensive fee-paying facility in Scotland: new motto … “Non Enim Id Quod Te Redde (You Don’t Get What You Pay For).

As there’s nothing new or of any substance beyond such bland generalisations of the “For She’s a Jolly Good Union” variety it’s a bit difficult to formulate a substantive response. But here’s a few to be going on with.

“Costly and Divisive” is a condign approximation of Mr Johnson’s Brexit negotiations. “Union of cooperation” is not an apt description of the Tory administration’s attitude to Holyrood since 2014. “Shared endeavour” is actually a very good description of Mr Johnson’s invitation to friends and family to make free with the PPE contracts. “Fill yer boots” is another.

“The right governing attitude and tone”? Loosely translated this means: “When you’re telling the hoi-polloi that they’re getting more austerity to pay for the Covid, smile a lot. And if they lose their jobs tell them they’ll have more free time to attend the Brexit Festival of Britain.