Stripped for action

OUR correspondents are recalling those awkward moments when communication turns into miscommunication.

Margery Dobson often stops to chat to fellow dog walkers, some of whom are runners.

She was once ambling across a field when she was greeted by a man, wrapped up against the cold, strolling with a friend. It took Margery a moment to recognise him as one of the chaps who usually went jogging.

Without thinking, she said: "Oh, hello. I didn't recognise you with your clothes on."

The fellow raised his finger to his lips and hissed: "Shhh! it's a secret."

“I’m about twice his age,” chuckles Margaret. “You should have seen his friend’s face.”

Spirited fellow

ANOTHER nifty nickname. One of reader George Dale's plumbing employees was known as the White Spirit. This fellow had a reputation for overcharging on "homers" (work undertaken outside regular hours for extra dosh).

Because of this he became known as the White Spirit. The logic being that he was a bit of a Dick Turpin. Which sounds rather like turpentine. Which is, of course… a white spirit.

Cop shop caper

ONE of the legal services on offer is a "police station visit", where a lawyer agrees to meet a prospective client detained by the Boys in Blue.

An elderly lady once phoned solicitor Matthew Berlow’s firm, requesting such a visit.

As Matthew was in the process of inquiring what heinous crime the old woman was accused of committing – running amok with a knitting needle, perhaps? – she interrupted him.

“No, no,” she said. “It’s for my wee grandson. He’s always wanted to see what goes on inside a police station, so he wants one of your police station visits.”

Piercing inquiry

CURIOUS reader Bert Marshall asks: “Once everybody in the UK has been injected, will be a vacci nation?”

Tall tale

WE recently pointed out that our correspondents are adventurous types who would have gladly left home and hearth to participate in the California Gold Rush.

Alas, the only gold rush in modern times takes place during a bargain sale of trinkets in Glasgow’s Argyll Arcade. Meaning our frustrated readers are sometimes forced to stretch the truth a tad when telling ripping yarns.

For example, Gordon Casely informs us: “I once met Peter Pan’s brother, Algy.”

Opposite view

THE ambition of cultured reader Colin Hodges is to build an Oxymoron Museum. “I’d have a virtual reality exhibition and a civil war room,” explains Colin.

Irritating images

“WORDS can’t express how much I hate emojis,” grumbles reader Bob Arnold.

Read more: Remember when ...