HeraldScotland:

“Hello, Yes I am ready to go live” I say in a fake perky voice as I jump out of bed holding my phone, trying not to kicking a wee sausage dog in the throat at the foot of my bed as I grab a bra and try to wrestle it onto my sleepy lumpen body.

I have forgotten to set my calendar again and I am now about to go live on Sky News at 8.50am and speak about an online comedy show. Bushy haired, with no make-up, and no bra. The world does not deserve this vision inflicted upon them. I fully deserve the screengrabs that will be used to mock and troll me relentlessly.

My agent has only emailed me three times about this job, but my dull covid brain whispered to me “read it later” and of course, I forgot to update my calendar. I am not sure if it’s turning 60 years of age recently or the last gasp of broken menopausal hormones that are making me forgetful and scatty brained or it’s just that I have become lazy due to lack of movement at home. I am pretty sure it’s a combination of all three things.

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Being at home for almost a whole year has made me feel dull and unorganised. I now believe, being busy, on tour and living in hotels week in week out actually encouraged me to pay more attention to my life, emails and work.

It’s not as if I haven’t been working the last 11 months, I have, it's just all done in my soft clothes and in slippers. I am very lucky to have created a way to continue being a comedian, actor and writer online as opposed to onstage. Instead of getting a train 200 miles to speak for 40 minutes on an average weekend, I now sit on my couch and speak into my phone and upload the video to the internet. But, this way of life has made me lazy and forgetful in other areas. I forgot to pay bills, to organise dental work, to make sure the vet saw Honey at the right time, I have no idea why I can be so productive in one area and forget all the other admin stuff.

It’s fair to say I have like many other people suffered mental health stress this last year, I basically have FIVE mini panics each day. Will I die soon? Will my daughter catch covid? Will my husband catch covid? Will the dog be the only survivor and who will feed it? Will the dog eat us?

All kidding aside, I really do end up in a state and I know am not alone. We have a Facebook livestream three nights a week, where we get to speak to thousands of people who join my daughter Ashley and I online and we share our fears and share our positivity. We laugh, we play games, we chat about anxiety and sometimes we cry. What I am trying to say is, we find a way to connect with others as we stay in our own wee world of our flat and watch the world turn slowly as we all cope in our own way.

We keep working as much as we can from home.

The living room is now ‘studio one’ and the hall has a pulley system backdrop and camera tripod in situ and that’s now been allocated as ‘studio two’.

It’s only a problem when Honey our wee dog needs the loo or husband (who doesn’t want to be on camera) has to answer the door for a delivery. We are all adapting to new ways of working and living through this pandemic. I know we are both VERY lucky to still be employed and creating, but like many people we have had to quickly learn new skills. I am now an expert camera operator, lighting technician and gaffer, best boy, film crew and technical wizard, when this time last year, I didn’t know how to Tiktok or Zoom. So, there’s always some sort of positive from a negative.

I genuinely can’t imagine how frightening it must be to have to go out and work in a public space or service. I am in awe of the folk who go out there in their roles in the care sector, shops and in front line services. I have to gear myself up mentally just to go buy milk and bread. The bravery of folk who take on the toughest tasks during this time will never leave me, I will never forget how amazing they are and I will always be in their debt. This year has shown me who the real heroes are, and they’re ordinary people doing extraordinary jobs to keep us safe, fed, healthy and to have our bins emptied and our streets clean.

I am just a daft clown with a phone making funny videos each day from the safety of my sanitised sofa and I know how lucky I am.

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In other news, I have been watching the slow defrosting of angry attention-seeking congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene, who the GOP who are now being forced to confront about her Qanon insurrectionist whack-a-do theories.

Imagine for a moment that there was a school shooting on UK soil where kids died. Then one of our politicians decided to hound down a teenage survivor of that massacre and upload a video of them haranguing them in a public space? Think about that for a minute, and then picture the scene where the leader of that political party didn’t demand the sacking of that party member?

That’s basically what’s happening right now in USA.

People won’t ever forget how top Republicans sat quiet when the bampots dressed as Badgers attacked their own government buildings and many of them are guilty by silence.

We might not get everything right politically in Scotland, but we don’t get it that wrong either. Stay Safe and pull on your emotional life jacket to keep yourself afloat. Janey.