Shop strop

A VIGNETTE of cosmopolitan Glasgow life. A reader was leaving Tesco in Sauchiehall Street when she became aware of a slightly dubious member of the public shouting at the two security guards on the door who were refusing him entry to the shop.

Clearly exasperated by this indignity, the chap appealed to them: "Do I look like trouble? Apart from the fact that I've got nae teeth?"

Baby blue

IT’S often said that everybody old enough can remember where they were when they first heard President Kennedy had been shot.

In a similar vein Milngavie reader Malcolm Boyd's neighbour called to say that his daughter had given birth on Saturday to his first grandchild.

Pleasantries were exchanged as to the baby’s name and weight. Malcom then asked at what time the child was born.

“Just after Rangers scored their second goal,” came the reply.


ON the subject of the Ibrox team…. The Diary notes that Rangers impressive season on the pitch was undermined by the behaviour of certain supporters, whose celebratory activities resulted in benches being destroyed in George Square.

Some Rangers fans, trying to rectify the situation, have launched a Go Fund Me page to raise money to repair the damage.

Writer Deedee Cuddihy isn’t sure that all of the donations are entirely sincere. For example, one bloke has offered £10. A generous amount, which is somewhat compromised by his claim that his name is Scott Brown.

Furthermore, he adds in a cryptic message: “I've been spending more time on the bench recently, so this is admirable.”

Builder boasts

THINKING about how tradesmen advertise their services, David Russell from Penicuik wonders: “Do grate builders and monumental masons learn their skills at the same school of masonic hyperbole?”

A shoo-in...

BUSINESS news. Reader David Donaldson notes that Terry Boot has replaced Peter Foot as financial head of Shoe Zone.

“This takes nominative determinism to new heights,” says David. “Or lows, depending on how you look at it.”

Oliver? Hardly

WE recently revealed that broadcaster Neil Oliver invariably receives his mail, even when the sender isn’t entirely sure of his precise location.

Here’s the address scrawled on another letter successfully delivered to him: "Neil Oliver, Long Haired Viking, Loving TV Historian, Possibly Stirling, Scotland."

(The Diary says: Well done to the letter writer for getting the "Scotland" bit exactly right.)

Board senseless

THOUGHT for the day from reader Ian Grimmer, who asks: “When the person who was designing the drawing board got it wrong, what did they go back to?”

Read more: Remember when ...