Pushing the envelope

WE recently revealed that the broadcaster Neil Oliver invariably receives his mail, even when the address on the envelope is rather vague. For example, his postman delivered a letter displaying a scrawled drawing of a TV screen, with a hairy chap’s head in the middle of it. The address simply read:

You know who!!,



This reminds Ian Noble from Carstairs village of the possibly apocryphal tale of a Royal Mail team who were tasked with solving cryptic addresses. One envelope was addressed to:




It was correctly deciphered as:

John Underwood,



Loopy lesson

WE’VE been celebrating the Latin lingo of late. Alex MacKinnon from Giffnock was taught the sublime language in King’s Park Secondary School in the early 1960s, where lessons included conjugations for verbs and declensions for nouns. It was easy to make a mistake, and one pupil who was asked to conjugate declined.

Our reader also recalls that the Glasgow version of the conjugation of the verb amare (to love) was: amo, amas, amat, amamus, adamus and a wee babymus.

Goofy Glesga

SARAH Vine, the English wife of Cabinet minister Michael Gove, recently revealed she loves visiting Glasgow, especially its famous "Ubiquitous Fish" restaurant.

Curious reader Bert Houliston wonders if she has also visited Pillock House, which is, of course, only a few steps from the Barrel Collection. (Sherry barrels, beer barrels, roll out the barrels… They’ve got the lot.)

Toy story

WE’RE devising advertising jingles, based on famous songs, to promote local businesses once lockdown ends and the buzz of industry commences .

John Mulholland suggests that neighbourhood stores specialising in children’s games and playthings could see sales soar by adapting a 1976 Thin Lizzy song... The Toys Are Back in Town.

Animal tragic

THE Herald recently reported that a woman has a 20-stone pig living in her Carluke house. Ian Sommerville from Largs rather unfairly says: “Chap a few doors and I reckon more than one woman will convince you there's a 20-stone pig curled up by her fire.”

The name game

IN the 1960s Ian McDonald was an apprentice in a Glasgow engineering company. Among the people working there were two chaps called William Wood and David Cant. Inevitably a rumour began that Willie Wood… but Davie Cant.

Male order doc

MEDICAL expert Anne Lennon gets in touch to explain that a doctor who specialises in Adam’s apples is a guyneckologist.

Read more: Remember when...