On board

SPRING is in the air. Or is it rain? It’s so hard to tell. However, there is a general feeling that life now has a blossoming potential for entertainment and escapades, reflected in the rock-n-roll revelations of Glasgow-based comedian Michael Redmond, who says: “Been bursting to spread the news. Got a bit of a break recently and have now finally acquired a second ironing board... one for weekday ironing, one for the weekend.”

Poor post

ON the subject of April being but a few hours away, reader Lisa Hannah has been musing about the kind of year we’ve all experienced so far: “2021 has been like receiving a package from Amazon,” she says. “Big box. Tiddly wee hingmy inside.”

Mind your language

AN ENGLISH teacher based in Glasgow’s West End was explaining to her class that there used to be grammar exams. One proud pupil piped up: “Oh, I know grammar! I had a teacher who used to talk it all the time.”

What a card

HIGHBROW reader Scott Curran recently came across this quote from the philosopher Soren Kierkegaard: “If you marry, you will regret it; if you do not marry, you will also regret it; if you marry or do not marry, you will regret both.”

Our impressed correspondent says: “It’s a pity Soren went into the philosophy game. He’d have been a whiz at devising perky messages for the greeting card industry.”

University challenge

ON social media the broadcaster Andrew Neil caused consternation by noting that a certain scholarly fellow happened to be a professor, then adding, “even if it’s only at Strathclyde Uni.”

Andrew graduated from a rival educational establishment on the lofty western slopes of the city, which might explain his controversial opinion.

Reader Marc Stewart, who is a Strathclyde chap, retorts: “In my time we always said Glasgow Uni students got the quads, but Strathclyde students got the quids. In other words, once our lot graduated… ker-ching!”

Brought to book

AN unlikely tale from reader Sheila Miller, who tells us: “I saw someone throwing Stephen King books at people. I asked why they were doing that, then IT hit me.”

Bus alert

A FRIEND of reader Russell Smith recently moved to Dalbeattie, and asked a lady how she would get home to Ecclefechan. He was rather shocked when she replied: “Get the ‘fechan bus.”

Nul points

IT’S a sad truth that genius often goes unacclaimed. Reader Bruce Michaels says: “The person who invented zero had nothing to show for it.”

Read more: Getting the teens on screens