Balls to that

IT’S the news that has shaken the footballing world to its foundations. Six of the UK’s top teams have agreed to join a new European Super League. The names involved are glorious and gold-drenched. Manchester City! Man United! Liverpool! Chelsea! Arsenal! Tottenham Hotspur!

But one proud team has bravely refused to join the jamboree.

Glasgow’s Maryhill Football Club. (Who play in the West of Scotland Football League.)

“Maryhill FC will not be joining the European Super League,” they reveal to the world, before explaining the background to their brave decision: “We haven’t been asked yet, but thought we’d clarify our position. Morally, we’re against it, but financially we might struggle to afford the stationery bill.”

(Red) light district

WE continue providing tales of tortured translations. When reader Bob Byiers was a student, one of his Uni chums spent a year studying in Germany. One evening the lightbulb went out in this chap’s room.

“Apparently there are two words in German which sound and look very similar, but have quite different meanings,” says Bob, whose friend rather unfortunately chose the wrong one, and ended up complaining to his landlord that the strumpet in his room wasn't working.

Mystery drama

ELFIN-faced thespian David Tennant celebrated a milestone birthday this week. (Shhh. Don’t tell anyone. But it was the big five uh-oh.) On social media his enthusiastic legion of fans have been celebrating along with him, recalling his best moments on screen.

One acolyte has a rather eccentric view of his hero’s acting career, and toasts Tennant’s titanic talents by writing: “Happy 50th birthday David Tennant. Yes, yes, Doctor Who, Broadchurch, blah blah blah. Everyone knows your best role was Sir Piers Pomfrey in St Trinians 2: The Legend of Fritton’s Gold.”

And just in case you’re feeling culturally clueless. Nope. We haven’t heard of it, either.

Falkland fun

A Diary photo of a curious street name inspires Doug Maughan to inform us that the police station at RAF Mount Pleasant in the Falkland Islands is on… Letsby Avenue.

Flight of fancy

TEENAGERS are back in full-time education. Reader Darren Smith is delighted, as his 15-year-old son desperately needs to brush up on his language skills. Trying to recall the word ‘pilot’, he came up with: ‘That guy who drives planes.”

B careful

CURIOUS reader Pete Setterfield says: “Do you think the word ‘subtle’ has a ‘b’ because someone snuck it in there in an understated fashion?”

Motivational moment

INSPIRATIONAL reader Chis Hill boasts: “I’ve decided to follow my dreams. I’ll be spending more time in bed.”