Beer songster

AFTER Anas Sarwar went viral dancing to Uptown Funk, Douglas Ross warbled a not at all toe-curling version of Atomic Kitten’s Whole Again for STV. He has now been dubbed Atomic Gibbon for his efforts. So what came over the staid Scottish Tory leader? Mr Ross tells us the muse struck after he had just necked a “gorgeous” pint to mark pubs reopening. “I felt like I was at a young farmers dance again and I just had to drink it as quickly as possible,” he confides. “Which is probably why I then started serenading Colin McKay.” A parched Unspun forgives him.

Stone’s throw

DESPITE the SNP’s recent ethical travails, Nicola Sturgeon has wasted no time throwing stones at Boris Johnson. Visiting a garden centre on the outskirts of Glasgow, she told one reporter the PM was engulfed in “a series of very, very serious, grave allegations”. Social media commentators were quick to point out the SNP leader made the comments while literally a person in a glass house.

Alba Mia!

SPARE a thought for Alba spindoctor Jim ‘Eagle Eye’ Eadie who committed the ultimate sin this week - issuing a press release without the word independence in it. After Unspun pointed it out, Eagle Eye hit the keyboard. Not only did a revised version full of Indyness soon appear, but so did a new release in which a remarkable one word in every 20 was 'independence'. We can only hope Alex Salmond never learns of it. Unless he reads this. In which case, Jim, remember to blame the Union.

Little nippers

PERPETUAL photo op addict and jobbing politician Willie Rennie was desperate for the perfect shot on a visit to the fishing village of Eyemouth on Tuesday. So a staffer was duly dispatched to get a live crab for the Scottish LibDem leader to cuddle. It used to be babies before Covid, but needs must. The unusual purchase then triggered a lengthy office debate on how to record the £4 crustacean on election expenses. The staffer ended up taking it home for dinner.

Stick to the day job

IT wasn't just sea creatures suffering for the sake of Mr Rennie's campaigning style. Yesterday's wheeze was for him to play a spot of shinty at Edinburgh's Inverleith Park with MP Wendy Chamberlain. Ever enthusiastic, Mr Rennie promptly smashed the ball into Ms Chamberlain's wrist. The stoical ex-police officer said she had "stopped the ball so that’s all that matters". A more realistic view came from a shocked bystander who yelped "Oh f***ing hell!" and forced a video of the event to be cut short. Still, better than being Mr Rennie's crab.