IS an explosion of wind from an audience member at the opera appropriate? This is not idle or abstract musing. I raise the issue with admittedly tangential reference to Prime Minister’s Questions.

On our first question, some of you might say: “Yes, better out than in. And probably better than all that shrieking and hollering anyway.” I suspect this to be a minority view, though it is all about opinions (the tragedy of humankind).

Our theme, then, is appropriateness and where we think it applies and where we think it does not. So, when the SNP’s Westminster leader raised, with his usual quaking passion, the plight of Scottish farmers and crofters likely to be caused by zero-tariff imports of Australian beef and lamb, and the Prime Minister replied by mocking the questioner’s self-image as a crofter, the question arises: was this appropriate?

Some of you say: yay. Already you have a beef with Ian Blackford, largely because he is beefy. Apart from which, the House of Commons is the world capital of knockabout, where all is fair in badinage and oratory.

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Others say: nay, that man Boris Johnson is a fool and a knave, and it was disgraceful to treat a serious subject like this with such frivolity. Mr Blackford, for his part, was impotently furious, sitting remotely in his hoose on the isle of Skye, where a lesser man might have been tempted to go ootside and shout at a sheep to quell his rage.

Here’s how the episode unfolded. Introducing himself as “a member of Scotland’s crofting community”, former investment banker Mr Blackford said a Government deal such as the one under advisement would be “disastrous” for farmers and crofters. He asked that, “just for once”, Mr Johnson address directly the threat to those who could be most affected.

The Prime Minister laughed and expressed delight at seeing background images of the demesne of Mr Blackford, “the humble representative of the crofting community”.

What larks. That said, he didn’t play it all for laughs but went on to ask why Mr Blackford was afraid of free trade and had no faith in “what the people of Scotland can do”.

The Herald: A fuming Mr Blackford described it as “quite chilling” and “pathetic” to hear such a serious subject treated in this way. He demanded that the PM “think again” about the prospect of sending farms and crofts “down under”. Wee witticism there from Mr Blackford now.

Oddly enough, Mr Johnson began his reply this time by pointing out the “massive opportunities in our fisheries”. It is perhaps his understanding that haddock graze bucolically on fields of grass while their offspring – known as lambs – frolic delightfully.

Beyond that, he accused Mr B. of wanting to “pull up the drawbridge” and get the country back into the EU, there to be ruled by Brussels. It is ever a source of frustration to Mr Blackford that Mr Johnson is always allowed the last word, as undoubtedly he’d have liked to follow up the draw-bridge point by pouring boiling oil on the PM’s tousled heid and booting him up the battlements.

Earlier, Boris and Labour leader Sir Keir Starmer had jousted on the subject of the pandemic, with the latter accusing the former of letting in all manner of variants with his open borders policy. But the PM said Labour’s policy of pausing all travel was ridiculous when so much of Britain’s foodstuffs were imported from “abrode”, as he poshly put it.

The main source of contention, though, was the appropriateness or otherwise of holidaying in a country on the so-called amber list. This has been the subject of much confusion, with the official message running something like: “Go. Don’t go. Go but don’t come back. Come back. Oh, do what the hell you like.”

Oh, and that country that wasn’t on the amber list yesterday? Well, it is now. Sir Keir pleaded through the fog for clarity from the right honourable muddlehead opposite.

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Mr Johnson, for it was he, said he wished that the opposition would just shut up and support the Government for once – I am paraphrasing but not much – and clarified hazily that amber countries were for essential travel only, prompting Sir Keir to point out somewhat disingenuously that the Welsh Secretary had said holidays were essential (he actually said some people mistakenly thought that).

In other developments, Andrew Bowie (Con) thought it would be appropriate if the Prime Minister would come and help plant Japanese flowering cherry trees in his West Aberdeenshire and Kincardine constituency, while Virginia Crosbie (Con) thought it just as appropriate that he visit her Ynys Môn constituency in Wales.

The PM replied respectively that planting such trees would be “the cherry on the cake” of free trade with Japan, and that his policies were applying “the Vick’s inhaler to the nostrils of the Welsh dragon”. Which nasal musing seems an appropriate note on which to end this report on the serious business of yesterday’s proceedings at Westminster.

Our columns are a platform for writers to express their opinions. They do not necessarily rep-resent the views of The Herald.