My Croft Homes
SNP Westminster leader Ian Blackford provoked much laughter at PMQs by introducing himself as a “member of Scotland’s crofter community”. The Edinburgh-born former banker, who also styles himself as a “humble crofter”, was instantly mocked by Boris Johnson and other Tories over his smallholding. But which crofting community did Mr Blackford mean? He has two homes on Skye, one of which is currently on sale for offers around £400k. The “substantial detached four bedroom property” is marketed as a “beautifully extended former croft house set within generous garden grounds”. Note “former”. However we’re sure Ian would throw in a free peat-cutter for a fast sale.

Changing rooms
AS for Mr Blackford’s other home, it seems that’s a tad too rustic. He has just applied to have it extended by adding a “utility room close to the kitchen and a larger bedroom upstairs with useable headroom and wardrobe storage space”. Just like it was before the Clearances, no doubt. However last year he also applied to add a more authentic country item. David Cameron got himself a Shepherd's Hut. Mr Blackford went for a corrugated metal Nissen Hut. A capacious 12m by 7m, it must be invaluable for storing all his money.

The Commons Touch
TALKING of humility, new SNP Constitution Secretary Angus Robertson appears to offer seamless continuity from his predecessor, Michael Russell, who was famously described as wanting to die in his own arms. A mole tells us Angus was equally modest in an induction session for new MSPs, banging on about his old job as an MP and referring to Westminster as “the other place”. Ken Macintosh, the outgoing Presiding Officer, told the session to remember all MSPs were equal in the chamber and all would get their turn to speak. “Except Angus, who’s said enough already.”

Salty rides again?
JUBILATION in the SNP after Anum Qaisar-Javed won the Westminster byelection in Airdrie & Shotts. But is everything so rosy locally? Unspun hears former MSP Richard Lyle - known as Salty Dick for once claiming a poke of chips on his Holyrood expenses - is eyeing a return to his old council fiefdom in next year’s local elections. We hear Salty even fancies being council leader, something which might disappoint the current leader of the SNP opposition there, his former lackey Jordan Linden. An over-the-hill politician trying to make a comeback at the expense of their protege? It must be an SNP thing.

Keep it in the family
ALSO causing trouble and strife, we hear, are the staff arrangements for the former MP for Airdire & Shotts, the SNP’s Neil Gray, who is now the local MSP. While at Westminster, Mr Gray employed his brother-in-law as his office manager. But Holyrood’s rules were tightened about five years ago, and so Mr Gray is forbidden from putting his relation on the public payroll. We hear there is much scrabbling around to find the beloved bro-in-law a cosy number with another MSP instead.

Whip lashed
A shaky start for new Tory chief whip Stephen Kerr after he tried to move his MSPs to better seats in the chamber. He was chased off by an old hand from another party. “I didn’t exactly tell him he was a p****,” the winner relates. “I said, Stephen, we’re going to be working together for five years, don’t be a p****.” Now that’s diplomacy!