WHAT? Do you think I’m insane? There’s more chance that the person who dobbed Angela Rayner in will confess than there is of me writing a preview for a show written for Celtic fans without covering the other half of the Old Firm with equal wordage.

And here’s even more balance. Both sides, sorry shows, play with great conviction, they don’t skirt from tackling the socio-economic backdrops of the time, play the ball that is a narrative which appeals to die-hards, and each scores freely with gags that hit the back of the net.

To begin. Jim Orr’s Bend it Like Bertie is set to tour. The play is set in the period January to April 1965. And while it’s not the Bertie Auld Story, Bertie (played by voice master Des McLean) features heavily. (The late Bertie Auld granted his approval for the script.)

We are set in the world of Denise and Danny, two fervent Celtic fans whose lives crave football success. But finding a leprechaun in the back garden would seem more likely.

But then . . .

A spokesperson describes the backdrop. “At that time, Celtic had no reputation in European or World football, they had not won the league or cup in 12 years. On top of that, they faced a disillusioned support with crowds of just 10 thousand, a club very much in the shadow of Rangers.

“But Bertie returned to Celtic in early January and played a major role in the cup-winning run, culminating in him scoring two goals in the final, which he later claimed to be his favourite game.”

Clearly, there is much of this period for Celtic fans to remember with delight. This cup win proved to be the launchpad for Jock Stein’s all-conquering Celtic team of the late 60s and early 70s.

Bend It Like Bertie, which also features River City star Jimmy Chisholm, is part of a 16-date tour. There are plans to take the show to Las Vegas in 2024.

Right, that’s the East end of the city taken care of. Now, it’s time to offer blue representation. The Pavilion is set to stage Rally Roon The Rangers. (Roles are being cast right now but it’s confirmed that James McAnerney and Liam Dolan will appear.)

“It’s the story of a Rangers social club that’s going to the wall,” says a spokesperson for the theatre, “and it’s the loyal fans who stand up to be counted.

“But of course, what they don’t know is that there are nefarious forces at work. The club can’t be saved because a deal has been done to turn it into an Asda.

“And just to add insult to injury, Asda’s marketing colour is green.”

The storyline, by Ned Sollid, (which, I’m guessing, may be a nom de plume) may not have the narrative weight of a traditional centre half, but that shouldn’t matter too much because “the show is sixty per cent songs.”

Rally Roon The Rangers, The Pavilion Theatre, Glasgow, July 28-30 and August 4-6 and 11-13.

There. Balance achieved.

TRAGEDY, misery, betrayal and revenge. And lust. Let’s not forget the lust.

Oh, how we’ve missed Bard in the Botanics.

Featuring four contrasting productions, the 2022 season opens with a new production of the evergreen favourite, A Midsummer Night’s Dream directed by Jennifer Dick and starring Robert Elkin as Bottom, Bard’s first mainstage production of the play in over a decade.

And then we can push aside the very possibility that a little rain, wind or ambulance sirens will impact upon the psyche because Bard returns to the Kibble Palace, where Gordon Barr will direct a new version of Euripides’ by playwright, Kathy McKean. It’s devised specifically for acclaimed actor Nicole Cooper.

This will be the Bard in the Botanics first foray into Greek tragedy.

The second half of the season (July 14-30) sees Cooper make her directorial debut with a new production of The Tempest, also staged in the Kibble Palace, and featuring Alan Steele as Prospero.

The line-up for the 2022 season is completed with a new production of Gordon Barr’s ground-breaking take on Much Ado About Nothing. Bertram and Benedick return to the mainstage as the gay couple, the original rom-com with a twist.

“We are delighted to be returning to The Kibble Palace for this year’s season with productions that showcase the dramatic talent of one of Bard’s long-time core artists, Nicole Cooper, ” says Artistic Director, Gordon Barr.

“We have been planning our first foray into Greek tragedy for three years and it is exciting to see this idea now coming to fruition.”

He added: “For our mainstage shows, comedy will be to the fore this year.”

But let’s not forget all that revenge, betrayal and lust.

Tickets for Bard in the Botanics, which runs from June 22, are available via www.bardinthebotanics.co.uk

Also, tonight at the Festival Theatre in Edinburgh, return to the glamour of Hollywood with Singing In The Rain.