A trifling matter

MANY Scots will be taking a sabbatical from Netflix tonight to instead meet up with auld acquaintances, munch haggis, gargle whisky and recite poetry.

But the big question is… what pudding should be chomped on Burns Night?

Helpful Diary correspondent David Donaldson points us in the direction of the Gousto website, which is promoting a recipe for Flamin’ Irn-Bru trifle, otherwise known as "Tipsy Laird".

If you should decide to partake of this monstrosity – sorry, delicacy – it involves soaking sponge fingers in whisky, adding custard, then an Irn-Bru jelly.

Our correspondent wonders if the makers of Irn-Bru are outraged to witness their famous cordial being dabbled with in such a reckless manner.

Says David: “Barr’s should adopt the slogan: Wha daur trifle wi me?”

Hard to swallow

A CURIOUS tale that links (perhaps inconclusively) amateur dentistry and affairs of state. West Ender Deedee Cuddihy was on Byres Road when she overheard a woman say to a man outside Tesco: "My tooth fell out so I just stuck it back in; then I swallowed it… the day the Queen died."

Morbid money matters

LEGALLY–ASTUTE Henry Smith from Falkirk points out that: “A will is a dead giveaway.”

Dumping on Dons

CONGRATULATIONS to Darvel FC for slaying the mighty Aberdeen in a memorable Scottish Cup encounter.

Our favourite social media comment about the Dons loss to a sixth-tier Ayrshire side comes from a Twitter user who sums it up succinctly by writing: “Losing to a team that probably doesn't even have a Wikipedia page.”

Drink drama

VISITING the tearoom of a well-known department store, reader Jim Morris was disappointed to receive a teacup with no saucer.

“I asked a member of staff behind the counter about the saucers that should come with the teacups,” says Jim. “The chap looked puzzled then went away and came back with a box full of tomato ketchup and HP sauce.”

Read more from the Diary: The writing is on the wall for Whitecraigs


A DIARY tale about a high school pupil reminds retired English teacher Gwen McKean of her stint in a posh Edinburgh school. Pupils were charged with writing essays about American crime fiction author Raymond Chandler.

One young scholar described Chandler’s oeuvre thus: “His books were as hard-boiled as a concrete egg dipped in lava.”

Says Gwen: “That’s the sort of simile that even Chandler would have been proud of.”

A fishy tale

KEEPING tropical fish at home has a calming effect on the agitated mind, claims reader Julie Dawson, who adds: “Must be all the indoor fins.”