Fancy dress

IF you wish to gaze upon exotic creatures it’s best to either visit Edinburgh Zoo or one of the bohemian-infested cobbled streets of Glasgow’s West End.

However, it seems that exotica can also be spotted elsewhere, for reader Simon Watson was strolling through the Hielanman’s Umbrella in Glasgow city centre when he witnessed a curious sight – a middle-aged chap wearing lederhosen and immaculately polished brown brogues, which were topped off with glittering buckles.

He also happened to be wearing a cowboy hat and was zipping along the pavement on an e-scooter.

“That’s outrageous,” gasped Simon to his wife.

“Isn’t it?” agreed Simon’s wife. “That scooter should be on the road, not the pavement.”

Captive audience

LAUGHTER fan David Donaldson is thrilled that the Glasgow International Comedy Festival starts next month, including the Wholesome Prison Blues stand-up gig, which will take place at Barlinnie prison.

“Sounds like a Bar-L of laughs,” enthuses David.

Mucky mouth

A DIARY discussion of morticians inspires Deedee Cuddihy to tell us about a funeral she attended this week where the humanist celebrant, who was a friend of the family, informed mourners during a glowing tribute to the deceased chap that "Alistair's wife once claimed that her husband had such a broad palate where food was concerned that he wouldn't have refused to eat poo-on-a-stick if he was offered it."

And, dear reader, it wasn’t the word poo that she actually used…

Rye observation

IN a posh Edinburgh café reader Linda Stewart overheard two female student-types chatting. Said one to the other: “I went out with this guy a while back. But it was hopeless. I was looking for JD Salinger but he was totally JD Sports.”

No surrender?

FUN fact. “All the Stars and Stripes flags that American astronauts put on the moon are now white, due to the sun’s radiation,” explains reader Edward Moore. “Does this mean the Earth has now surrendered to the Moon?”

Read more from the Diary: The Rising Sun and the hot cross bun

VAR-y slow

WE’RE discussing the Scottish professional footballers who played rock, paper, scissors on the pitch to decide who should take a free kick.

One of our correspondents suggested that to prove their intelligence, the footy stars should instead have sat on the grass and played chess.

Says Bill Thompson from Lenzie: “If they started playing while VAR was deciding whether to award the free kick, they could easily have played best-of-three games of chess.”

Chilled-out chomping

ENTREPRENEURIAL reader Rhona Curtis plans on opening a restaurant which will be called "Peace and Quiet". “Kids meals will start at £200,” she says.