Teams team up

A LEADERSHIP guru named Allistair McCaw has suggested that footy teams Dundee and Dundee United should merge and rename themselves Dundee City.

The Diary thinks this is an excellent idea, and would go a step further. There should be a grand merger involving all Scotland’s teams, which would get rid of the relentless itinerary of matches that blight most weekends.

Instead, once a year Scotland’s only team would be awarded a bunch of shiny trophies, keeping everyone happy.

Reader Barry Mullins has a slightly less radical suggestion, and wants Rangers and Celtic to merge.

“The only problem I anticipate,” adds Barry, “is what to name the team. Perhaps Celters, or maybe Rangic? The strip would, of course, be blue and white stripes.”

Hop it

PRICKLY Prince Harry and his wife, the Duchess of Daggers Drawn, have suffered the order of the boot. The bolshie blue-bloods – who are currently eking out a humble and quiet existence in LA – have been informed they can no longer make use of Frogmore Cottage when they are slumming it in the old country.

Showing scant sympathy for the pitiable plight of Harry and Megs, reader Linda Syms says: “The poor dears. They’ve gone from Frogmore to Frogless.”

Dressing down

ENJOYING a pot of tea in a swish Edinburgh café, reader Pam Newberry overheard a couple of well-heeled elderly ladies chatting about the exploits of a third friend who wasn’t present.

“She’s had her first date since the divorce,” said one lady.

“How did it go?” enquired her friend.

“Awful, just awful. He turned up in dungarees. For a date!”

“That is awful,” agreed the first lady, who then added: “But honestly. Is there any occasion that favours the wearing of dungarees?”

Picture this

WE’RE discussing tattoos. Reader Susan Davis once dated a chap who decided to get a tattoo of a snake on his arm.

It wasn’t the finest of etchings, and Susan, perhaps a tad cruelly, said it looked more like a worm than a snake.

“Yeah,” countered her chap defensively, “but a ferocious worm.”

Sappy spy

WE continue updating the James Bond novels to make them more palatable for modern sensibilities. Dennis Forrest from Shawlands says the toxic masculinity exhibited by 007 should be rewritten, thus making him a far less feisty fella.

One of the books would, of course, be renamed… Live and Let Live.

Scientific silliness

“LIGHT travels faster than sound,” points out reader Eddie Mitchell, “which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.”

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