Half-baked present

Mother's Day will soon be upon us, and the perfect prezzie this year isn’t a bouquet of flowers, a box of chocolates or a Rolls-Royce with a full tank of petrol. (Tough luck, mum.)

Instead, a son or daughter can profess their undying love and adoration by gifting mum a sausage roll.

Reader David Donaldson noticed that Greggs the bakery are selling Mother’s Day gift cards.

The cards have a variety of sweet little messages written on them, including the heart-warming statement: ‘I couldn’t think of anything else.’

Says David: “It’s an ingenious idea. Greggs have simplified the process of sending a present to your roll model.”

Thistle do nicely

DIARY footy correspondent Foster Evans admits to being dead impressed by the announcement that Partick Thistle have a glamorous new sponsorship deal with Anderson Maguire, the Glasgow-based funeral directors.

Now fans will be able to purchase discount funerals (yay!) and the company banner will be displayed morbidly – sorry, majestically – in the stadium.

Best of all, a selection of coffins and urns will be available in the team colours of red and yellow.

Who says funerals have to be depressing, dreich and dismal? For Partick Thistle supporters they can also be a ball.

Bumpy bliss

THOUGHT for the day from reader Karen McKenzie, who says: “A kiss is technically a headbutt, though quite a fun one.”

French for beginners

OUR cultured and cosmopolitan coterie of readers continue to provide us with examples of intriguing phrases in foreign languages.

Gerard McElroy from Cumbernauld recalls that those taught French in the 1960s were often challenged to translate the phrase "Pas d’elle yeux Rhone que nous".

(Read it aloud, if you’re confused. Then it will all make sense…)

Flummoxed by faith

PUN-PEDDLING Scottish comedian Richard Pulsford is in a confused sort of mood. He says: “I don't know why I'm barred from my local Humanist Society. I attended all their meetings religiously.”

Old spice

WE continue updating the James Bond novels, forcing 007 to live in the modern world. Reader Bob Jamieson points out that the super spy is no longer super-spry, for his first adventure was published way back in 1953.

With this in mind, Bob argues that one of the books should be renamed On Her Majesty’s Senior Service.

Scrabbling around

CHAOS in the house of reader Jill Hamilton, who gets in touch to say: “My kids have been throwing Scrabble tiles at each other again. It's all fun and games until someone loses an i.”

Read more from the Diary: The bookshop owners who tell quite a story...