Tattoo you
WE’RE discussing body art. Nowadays tattoos are popular with folk from every conceivable background, from the high flats to the highfalutin.
Perhaps even King Charles has a picture of a crown and sceptre etched on an upper arm. (Or maybe he has the doting message: "Chuck Luvs Cam". That would be terribly fetching, too.)
The other evening reader David Donaldson invited people round for drinks. One of the guests had worked as a nurse in A&E, and told the assorted revellers about the tattoos she had seen.
One roguish reprobate had tattooed himself all down his left leg with the convivial statement: “TO HELL WITH THE MARYHILL POLIS.”
(Though being a ne’er-do-well, he may have used a more robust phrase than "to hell with".)
Let’s be Frank
GARY Lineker has triumphed over his BBC overlords and appears to have become a figure of great cultural significance in the process.
From toe-poker goal scorer to this season’s Bertrand Russell, it won’t be long before Gary starts puffing on a calabash pipe while quoting choice aphorisms from Plato.
(In the original classical Greek, of course. Gary is too cosmopolitan a figure to be constrained by anything as parochial and commonplace as the English language.)
Reader Michael Davis hopes other retired ball-scuffers will also ascend to the intellectual stratosphere.
“Humza Yousaf, Kate Forbes and Ash Regan should stop debating each other immediately,” says Michael. “It’s time to announce Scotland’s next First Minister. The wise and the just… Frank McAvennie.”
I spy
A READER mentioned noticing a deer while driving to work. “Could this be classed as hindsight?” asks Robert Menzies.
Tummy trouble
ON social media historical novelist Lesley McDowell makes her thoughts known about Scotland’s favourite blockbuster movie, Braveheart.
She says: “My favourite bit is when he's being disembowelled at the end and just grimaces a wee bit like it's a touch of constipation.”
Snow joke
THE full blossom of spring should soon be upon us. Unfortunately winter is tenaciously outstaying its welcome, like a once-popular rock musician who insists on warbling all the old hits, even though he’s now third on the bill at Butlin’s.
Shivery slivers of ice dandruffing from the sky are particularly unpleasant, and Iain Mills from Largs spotted a local website which gave a yellow snow warning.
Says Iain: “Is this because locals find the snowy weather so scary they pee themselves?”
Underwater underwhelming
“I QUIT scuba diving after my first lesson,” says Susan Davis from Newton Mearns. “Deep down, I realized it wasn’t for me.”
Get The Herald for three months for £1 with our new subscription offer
Why are you making commenting on HeraldScotland only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules here