Albion antics
THE printing of The Herald newspaper is undoubtedly the best use that has ever been made of dead trees

Unless you count the construction of Noah’s Ark, of course. Though even in biblical times The Herald was in great demand, for the animals on Noah’s mighty ship insisted on perusing the Diary at breakfast every morning.

However, we can’t deny that there have been other esteemed works of literature.

Malcolm Boyd from Milngavie recalls British Leyland's staff newspaper, The Bus and Truck Times, which contained oodles of info about the company, including new developments in truck manufacturing, employee retirements and long service awards. There was even a "For Sale" column.

“It was rumoured,” says Malcolm, “that at 3am, two employees on night shift at the Albion plant phoned the seller of a pair of sandshoes in Leyland, to enquire what size they were.”

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Fighting talk
SO Scotland has a new Exalted Leader in Humza Yousaf. A name that will resound in glory down the ages… though perhaps not in England.

For on social media the usually well-briefed and London-based political correspondent Adam Boulton heralded the ascension of Humza by referring to him as Hamza Yousef.

Pop warbler Pat Kane tetchily sniped back by labelling the esteemed broadcaster ... Adam Balloon.

This is fighting talk, indeed. Can Bannockburn II be far off...?

Does not compute
NOT everyone is delighted about Humza’s victory. The schoolboy son of reader Rhona Bruce has been closely following Mr Yousaf’s career for years, leading him to say: “He reminds me of me in Computer Science. Pretending to know what’s going on and hoping to get by till break time.”

Driving on drives
MUSING on the subject of motors, reader Chris Wilson makes the point that  “Technically speaking, golf carts are also sports cars.”

The big push
ON a train into Glasgow city centre, reader Liz Roberts overheard a rambunctious toddler chatting to her mum.

“Zis a ‘lectric train?” asked the rambunctious toddler.

“Course it is,” mum snapped back. “How d’you think it runs? Two guys at the back geein it a shove?”

Armchair theatre
THEATRE-LOVING reader Deborah Bridges watched a play with her not-quite-so-theatre-loving husband.

Afterwards she asked what he thought of it.

“You know that thing called edge-of-your-seat entertainment?” he replied.

“Of course,” said Deborah.

“Well,” he continued, “this was middle-of-your-seat guff.”

Come again?
​A LESSON in demand and supply economics from reader Gareth Taylor, who says: ”Not only are boomerangs Australia’s biggest export. They’re also their  biggest import.”