Boos in boozer
JUST as soothsayer and managerial titan Ally MacLeod predicted more than four decades ago, Scotland are now the greatest footy team in the world, having spanked Spain at Hampden.

(Some even claim Scotland have always been the best. We’ve just been craftily pretending to be awful all these years, to lull rival nations into a false sense of security.)

Chris Byrne from Paisley watched the match at his local pub where one of the bartenders hails from England.

Just before kick-off, this chap grabbed the TV remote and yelled: “Okay, lads. There’s a great rom-com just starting on Channel 5. Who’s up for it?”

The funny fella’s suggestion was rightly rewarded with a chorus of boos.

Smashing concept
WE mentioned the curious items that were once offered for sale in newspapers and magazines. Alastair Sillars from Thornhill in Dumfries tells us that just after World War II Exchange & Mart, the famous publication for sales and exchanges, carried an advert for guaranteed insect killer, which cost five shillings, including postage and packaging.

“A friend decided to purchase the goods,” says Alastair. “When the package arrived it contained two pieces of wood marked Block A and Block B . The instructions explained that the insect was to be placed on Block A then hit with Block B. It certainly did what it said on the tin…”

📖 Sign up to the Herald Diary newsletter and get the sublime and the ridiculous sent directly to your inbox every day.

👉 Click here to sign up

Heavenly Pursuits
A FRIEND of Sue Wade from Ayr was chatting to her grandchild in the car.

“Granny,” said the youngster, “I like living in Heaven. There are parks to play in and my friends all live here."

The puzzled granny eventually twigged: "You don't live in Heaven, darling,” she said. “The place where you live is called Irvine.” 

Road to ruin
THE other day reader Paula Hutton was chatting to a pal who had just dumped her boyfriend. Paula asked what the problem had been.

“He’s just a really grumpy guy,” explained the pal. “Y’know the type – he even has road-rage walking on the pavement.”

Fighting talk
TWO elderly gents were overheard chatting on a bus into Glasgow’s West End by reader Henry Wood.

Said one chap: “Aye, back in the day there was a lot of bullying in my school.”

To which the other fellow responded: “That must have been terrible.”

“Nah, no really,” said the first chap. “I was one of the bullies.”

Sea sickness
“I WOULDN’T say I’m old,” says reader Ken Moore. “But when I was a kid, the Dead Sea was just a bit sick.”