FLUID thinking from Bryce Drummond, of Kilmarnock, who points out: “Concern about climate warming and rising water levels is clearly demonstrated by the currently most popular name for boys in Scotland… Noah.”

Anatomy lesson

AT the weekend reader Tom Mackin went with his wife to watch his teenage son play in a local football match. Tom was not impressed by one of the youngsters on the field, and said to his wife: “That lad’s no use. He can’t handle the ball with his feet.”

His wife thought this was a strange way to describe it, anatomically speaking, and replied: “Don’t you mean he can’t feetle it with his feet?”

Saucy sign

THE following inspiring tale proves that the intelligent youth of the past was both industrious and literate, being highly capable of moulding the English language into unexpected and exciting new forms.

Gordon Fisher, from Stewarton, recalls his school days, when some pupils were entitled to sit their exams in a more secluded spot than the main examination hall. It tended to be an otherwise unused classroom.

To ensure the candidates were not disturbed, a sign was placed on the door reading: "Quiet please. Exam in progress."

On one occasion a scholar equipped with Tipp-Ex and a black "inkie" diligently took the time to alter the sign by covering up the "am" and prefacing the "Ex" with an ‘S’.

Double trouble?

A QUIRKY query from reader Alison McClintock: “Do twins ever realise one of them is unplanned?”

Risky business

WATCHING TV the other night, reader Alastair Brown was confused by an advert for a gambling chain, which ended with the helpful suggestion to: “Gamble responsibly.”

Says Alastair: “Surely the word gamble means to take a risk. So what the advert was actually saying was: ‘Don’t take a risk while you’re taking a risk'.”

Sting in tale?

DECIDING to do something a little bit different with her young children over the weekend, Julie Robinson, from Dundee, took them to visit a local beekeeper.

Mum and the youngsters were given protective clothing to wear and guided to the hives. At which point one of the stripey critters decided to land on the arm of Julie’s daughter.

“Help!” yelped the terrified youngster. “It’s wanting to sting me!”

The exceedingly relaxed beekeeper replied: “Nonsense, lass. It’s just being gregarious.”

Bottling it

EXCELLENT advice on being sociable from reader Lisa Murray, who says: “Always keep an empty milk bottle in your fridge for guests who ask for a black coffee.”