Taking the biscuit

CURIOUS happenings at Muirend train station. Reader Harvey Johnson, who regularly gets an early train from the station, noticed one morning that a champagne glass and half-full bottle of bubbly had been left on a platform seat.

Days later, on the very same seat, sat a box of Mr Kipling cakes.

At the beginning of this week there was an unopened packet of Custard Cream biscuits.

Our reader has a theory: “I believe these are sacrificial offerings to the Omnipotent Gods of Public Transport, given in the hope that they will take pity on their faithful followers, and make the trains run on time.”

Adds Harvey: “So far it seems to be working. I might even offer up a pack of Jaffa Cakes, myself, later this week.”

Initially confusing

A PAL of reader Gordon McRae was recalling an acquaintance who he described as having “more than a touch of the “Billy Oceans about him”.

This reference confused Gordon, until he was directed to think about the popular 1980s singer’s initials...

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April antics

IT was recently reported that an April Fools’ gag went awry after a Royal Mail manager wrote a letter pretending employees had received a generous pay hike.

Which reminds Bernard Wilkinson of a school gag he and his fellow classmates played one April the First.

The entire class of students moseyed into a strange classroom, to be taught by a teacher they had no previous dealings with.

This chap’s genuine pupils went to Bernard’s classroom, to be taught by his teacher.

“What was genuinely shocking,” says Bernard, “was that it took more than an hour before either teacher spotted a swap had been made. I guess when you’ve been teaching for too long, all pupils blur into one hideous entity.”

Water interesting question

AN epistemological ichthyological question from reader Beryl Walton, who asks: “Do fish realise they are wet?”

Darkness visible

A TALE of gloomy disappointment from reader Chris Armstrong, who says: “I searched on eBay for something to light my lamp. I got the response: ‘No matches found’.”