Reflecting on exercise

THE Diary has been celebrating the glories of the gym, that exotic destination occasionally frequented by the citizens of Scotia.

Reader Sally Dodds tells us she always gets an excellent workout at her local gym in Dundee.

She says: “I must burn at least a few hundred calories pushing and shoving my way past the trendy young ladies grouped round the changing room mirror, where they seem to do most of their plucking and powdering. After that, I’m too exhausted to clamber on an exercise machine.”

All at sea

THE Herald recently ran a story which included the intriguing headline "Rangers to live in lifeboat house".

Now this just might have been a tale about National Trust rangers devising an aquatic method of studying birds.

But that’s not the way reader Ian Brodie deciphered the statement.

“I knew there would be disappointment over the weekend result,” says Ian, “but I didn’t think the reaction of Michael Beale and his players would be quite so drastic…”

Boxing (not) clever

THE Higher exams will soon be upon us, and the son of reader Rachel Peterson is doing his best to get excellent pass marks… by playing his Xbox all day and much of the night.

So Rachel reprimanded her errant son for his behaviour.

“Don’t worry,” said the youth. “I’ll start working tomorrow.”

“I don’t believe you,” snorted Mum.

“Okay, cool,” shrugged the youth. “I don’t believe myself either.”

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No laughing matter

IN the pub the other night, reader Gavin Perry overheard a fellow at the next table slur to a friend: “See, my wife is always saying that my only real talent in life is I’m unintentionally funny. The problem is I’ve never been able to figure out a way to monetise that skill.”

Bigfoot sighting?

A FAIRY-TALE thought from reader Chris Robertson, who says: “Cinderella either had freakishly large or freakishly small feet, if her slipper didn’t fit any other woman in the kingdom.”

Brought to book

ROAMING social media, David Donaldson stumbled upon a group frequented by librarians. To entertain themselves, the gang were listing film titles, though with one word changed to "library".

“I tried it,” says David, “and it works surprisingly well.”

To prove the point, David came up with the following exciting blockbuster, which is probably not coming to a cinema near you anytime soon… Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Library

Le mort melody

“WHEN my dad dies, he wants his ashes pressed into a record,” says reader Julie Philips. “It’s his vinyl request.”