SCOTTISH novelist Jenny Colgan is known for her upbeat and comical romantic fiction, though she is rather proud to reveal that she’s now being published by the same firm that releases the works of Soren Kierkegaard, the famously morose Danish daddy of existential philosophy.

Jenny,, who admits to never being a serious philosophy student in her university years, and graduated with a 2/2, doubts that Soren would have approved of his new colleague, though the Diary hopes the news will inspire Colgan to introduce an existential flavour to her many bestsellers.

For instance, her jaunty novel Meet Me At The Cupcake Cafe could surely be given a second spurt of popularity by being republished as… Meet Me At The Cupcake Cafe Of Meaningless Dread and Spiritual Despair.

Catchy, no?

Semantic antics

ON a bus in the east end reader of Glasgow Helen Braithwaite heard two teenage scholars of linguistics in heated debate.

The argument went something like this…

Scholar 1: Naw, yer wrong. We’re called Glasgowegians.

Scholar 2: Dinnae be an eejit. We’re Glaswegians.

Scholar 1 (triumphant, sensing victory): That’s pure rubbish, cos we dinnae come frae the city of Glas, do we?

Wedded woes

DISAPPOINTED reader Nancy McDermott says: “Isn’t it sad that there have been millions and millions of weddings, and yet every single bride has failed to marry the best man in the room.”

Clever doggie

PUB patter. Reader Ed Belmont was in a bar in Glasgow’s west end, enjoying a tipple with a pal.

Boasted the pal: “I’ve trained my dog to fetch me a glass of red wine in the morning.”

“Really?” said Ed, impressed.

“Yes,” said the pal. “It’s a Bordeaux Collie.”

Fighting talk

FOR a reason that is lost in the mists of time the Diary is improving famous movies by plonking the word "library" in the titles.

Gordon Fisher, from Stewarton, believes a classic Kung Fu flick starring the late Bruce Lee would be more exciting if named… Enter The Library.

Says Gordon: “The librarian would, of course, be played by Bruce. When he fixes his eyes on a would-be book borrower, he points a forefinger to the SILENCE sign whilst putting his other forefinger to his lips, then the browser better listen, or they’ll be in the sequel… Librarian Of Fury.”

Boho boast

“I WAS asked in a job interview if I could perform under pressure,” says reader Chris Robertson. “I said ‘Yes,’ then added that I do a decent version of Bohemian Rhapsody, too.”