Love, Glasgow style

FORGET Paris, Rome or Venice. As the Diary recently confirmed, Glasgow is the world capital of amour.

Jenny Barr from Crosshill once went on a blind date, and ended up In a French restaurant.

The chap she was with asked the waiter about the lobster, admitting he had never eaten the dish before.

So the waiter attempted to describe the flavour, until the chap haughtily interrupted.

“I’m not interested in the flavour,” he said. “Just tell me one thing. Does it taste expensive?”

Jenny - who was rapidly discovering that she didn’t much like her date - said to him: “If you want something to eat that tastes expensive, we should go to the local chippy, and you can ask the counter staff to deep-fry my earrings.”

(And, no, there wasn’t a second date.)

On the lamb

OUR Lewis correspondent John Mulholland informs us that spring has definitely arrived in that blissful part of Scotland.

“The sun is shining… sometimes,” adds John, “and the lambs in the croft at the bottom of my garden are frolicking and jumping around.

“Recently I’ve found myself betting on which lamb can jump the highest. So much so, that some might say I have a gambolling problem.”

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Centre of attention

FILM fan Bob Reid and his wife were considering watching the recent release ‘Operation Fortune: Ruse de Guerre’, an action flick starring Jason Statham and Hugh Grant.

Bob was reciting a list of the other actors, for the benefit of his wife, to see if the film was something she might enjoy.

When he came to an actress called Aubrey Plaza, his wife shuddered.

“What a ridiculous name for a movie star,” she said. “Sounds like a run down shopping centre in Cumbernauld.”

Legal troubles

EMBARRASSED reader Kelly Graham reveals that as a youngster she was a tad confused about her father’s profession.

“I knew he was a lawyer,” says Kelly. “But when he mentioned a lawsuit, I thought that meant the jacket and trousers he wore to work.”

More booky badinage FOR no entirely plausible reason, the Diary finds itself attempting to improve classic movies by adding the word library to their titles.

Gordon Smith says that in these days of tight budget-setting and stringency there should really be a film titled…. Seven Books for Seven Libraries.

Chocs away FINANCIAL news from reader Eva Naughton, who says: “Cadbury have donated a giant chocolate bar to the Bank of England. It’s a massive Boost for the economy.”