Risky business

THE English language is evolving at a frightening rate, points out Archie Campbell from Newton Mearns. Visiting his local gym the other day, one of the trainers informed him about something called “dry scooping”, which is when a fitness addict dumps a load of protein powder in their mouth, without first diluting it with water or milk.

Apparently this is a silly and risky thing to do, which hasn’t dissuaded a lot of silly and risky people from doing it.

“What a world we now live in,” sighs Archie. “When I was a lad, dry scooping was entirely innocent. It merely meant you’d asked the bloke running the local ice-cream van for a vanilla cone – and a moment later he realised the ice-cream tub was empty.”

Just desserts

AMBITIOUS reader Lisa Barr is taking a college cookery course. For the first lesson, the teacher asked the students to rustle up something they usually make, which would allow the instructor to ascertain the current levels of skill she was dealing with.

Lisa concocted an Eton Mess, which the instructor studied for a good long while, before saying: “I can see the mess – but where’s the Eton?”

Local hero

STARSTRUCK reader Rob Graham spotted Deacon Blue frontman Ricky Ross at the Muirend Sainsbury’s.

Rob’s wife was equally thrilled. “Scottish rock stars are so down to earth,” she trilled. “You’d never catch Elvis in a Muirend supermarket.”

“That’s because Elvis is from Memphis,” pointed out Rob. “Plus he’s dead.”

“Exactly as I said,” continued Rob’s wife, unabashed. “Just not down to earth.”

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More booky badinage

THE Diary continues improving classic movies by adding the word library to their titles. Comedy legend Andy Cameron tells us that enthusiastic book lovers in Atlanta, Georgia, have decided to make a movie about a mobile van which distributes books around the state to avid readers.

“They’re calling the film Gone With the Library,” says Andy, who adds:  “Apparently the book van is only stopping in farming communities, as the advert says ‘Catch Us In The Rye’.”

Blown off course

WE mentioned a linguistically-bamboozled reader, which reminds Henry Muir from Paisley of his youth, when he believed the instrument being blown by the referee was made of a very strange material.

“I’d heard people talking about the final whistle,” says Henry. “Though I thought it was the vinyl whistle.”

Hot stuff

ANOTHER cock-up on the culinary front. Shame-faced Roger Davidson from Cumbernauld says: “I burnt my Hawaiian pizza. Should have baked it at aloha temperature.”

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