OUR more observant readers may have noticed that some sort of regal shindig took place at the weekend. The Diary, which has contacts in the highest echelons of society, can exclusively reveal that it was the coronation of King Charles.

Jim Dearie, from Motherwell, admits he is not an ardent royalist, unlike his wife who enjoyed the coronation on telly while Jim jabbed his nose in his favourite newspaper (The Herald, natch).

At one point his wife trilled enthusiastically: “Loads of celebrities are attending, you know.”

Jim’s curiosity was momentarily tweaked.

“Who’s there?” he enquired. “Pitt and Clooney?”

“No,” corrected his wife. “Ant and Dec.”

“Wow,” said Jim, who tells the Diary confidentially: “That thrilling notification reminded me of my ninth birthday, when I’d pleaded with mum and dad for a pet golden eagle… then woke up to a budgie.”

Tongue twister

THE other day reader Roberta Chapman was in a Newton Mearns cafe when she overheard a middle-aged woman at a nearby table complaining to a friend about her sarcastic sister.

Said this woman of her snarky sibling: “Her tongue’s so sharp and twisted she could shave her armpits with it.”


FILM fan Gordon Fisher, from Stewarton, was watching the movie version of Phantom Of The Opera, starring Scotland's very own Gerard Butler in the titular role.

At one point the phantom looms at the top of the stairs of the opera house, then starts to descend while singing: "Messieurs, I bid you welcome..."

“However,” says Gordon, “I’m sure he sang, ‘Midge Ure, I bid you welcome.’ Maybe Phantom doesn’t take place in Paris, after all. Perhaps it's set in Vienna.”

Mountainous Mr.

A DIARY yarn about a chap from Stornoway with a curious nickname reminds Willie Mould of another fellow from the same locale with an equally memorable moniker.

“This guy was fond of a weekend refreshment,” says Willie, “which usually resulted in him being escorted to the police station. The transport provided was a Sherpa-model police van, meaning he was, of course, known as… Tenzing.”

A movable feast

WE’RE extolling the quality of fresh fish in diners, which reminds reader Ian Hutcheson of the famous Aquagrill Restaurant in Manhattan, now sadly shut down, which was reputed to serve fish, “that was so fresh it was still flopping”.

Shirty over shirt

A FINAL regal rumination before we hit the road. Disgruntled music fan Colin Wright says: “Thanks to Charles III, my Sex Pistols T-shirt now makes less sense than it did before…”