Honesty not always best policy

THE first Monday back at work in the New Year is said by some to be the most depressing day of the year. We think we had this confirmed by our sister company, the S1 online jobs recruitment site, which at one point had to put up the message: "We're sorry. You may be experiencing some problems accessing our website. This is due to the extremely high volumes of traffic we are currently experiencing." So bosses, if you think your staff were very busy at their desks yesterday we're afraid to tell you that many of them were on your computers looking for another job. It reminds us of the chap at a job interview who was asked what his biggest weakness was. "Honesty," he replied. "I don't think honesty is a weakness," said the interviewer.

"I couldn't care less what you think," the chap replied.

Annus horribilis on its way

CONFIRMATION that a few folk have not had a good start to the year comes from freelance journalist Dani Garavelli who tweeted yesterday: "So far today, a dry cleaner has lost my kids' school blazers, and my tape recorder has broken down five minutes into a 45-minute interview. I hate 2015."

Anyone else had a lacklustre start to the year?

A casualty of impatience

MEANWHILE Scottish parenting continues to shine a beacon to the rest of the world. As reader Joan Johnston tells us: "In Motherwell, I had to step aside to allow an ambulance to enter the pedestrianised shopping centre to tend to a lady who had taken 'a turn'. Standing beside me were a mother and her young daughter. 'Mammy, Mammy, there's an ambulamce! Mammy, Mammy whit's the ambulance fur?' asked the young girl.

"'A don't know', said the mother, 'but if you don't stoap yur cheek, you'll be the next wan in it'."

That'll be the Day

ACCENTS can sometimes prove tricky. Gordon Senior in Boarhills, near St Andrews, tells us of a refined retired schoolteacher who advertised for a part-time gardener, and a local Fifer applied. After agreeing to put him on a trial period, the lady realised she had not asked him his name. "Tam 'll dae," he replied, favouring the use of just his Christian name. But the lady replied: "Very well then Mr Day, I look forward to seeing you on Monday."

Wisdom of the East

OUR tales of sectarian singing on buses reminds Tom Patton in Clydebank of being on a Glasgow bus in the days of conductors when a female passenger complained about the Rangers fans on board singing objectionable songs. The Asian bus conductor, not really in the mood to confront them, came up with the inspired reply: "Nothing to worry about. They're only signing about guarding old Delhi's walls."

Interest ranging far and wide

IS there ever a day when Glasgow Rangers is not in the news? US basketball team owner Robert Sarver is said to be interested in buying the Ibrox side. As Oldfirmfacts1 Twittered: "Strange to see a basketball team owner linked with Rangers. You'd think he'd be more interested in The Hoops."

Shoot that poisoned arrow

NOT sure how it happened, but somehow the darts championships on the telly have got thousands glued to their screens even although they wouldn't know one end of a dart from the other. Anyway, as one reader put it: "You know you've probably got too much spare time on your hands when you spend 20 minutes wondering what your darts walk-on music would be."