WE somehow unravelled a number of toilet roll stories.


 But now it's time to hear from a professional, plumber George Dale, who reveals: "Strange things people do - removed WC pan to clear blockage only to discover in one case, a toothbrush, and in another, a teapot lid was causing the problem. The toothbrush was rinsed under the tap by the customer and put back on the bathroom shelf for use, and the teapot lid was also reused."

Thanks George!

AS ithers see us. The chaps who run the highly rated blog, Lunchquest Edinburgh, which rates places to have lunch in the capital, have ventured through to Glasgow to see all the new burger joints that are now clustered on St Vincent Street. They weren't impressed. In one they didn't like the open plan where the overworked chefs were constantly shouted at by the waiters. So we pass on their observation: "Abject misery. If I really wanted to pay for the pleasure of watching Glaswegians shout at each other, I'd rather take my chances in one of the city's fine drinking establishments during a spirited sporting occasion. "

OUR tales of proving your identity remind Paul O'Sullivan: "In the days before ATMs, I was in London and needed money to buy a train ticket home to Glasgow. I went in to a branch of RBS and said I'd like to make a withdrawal from my account at the Sauchiehall Street branch. The teller asked me for identity and of course I had none. So she phoned the Sauchiehall Street branch explaining that she had a customer called O'Sullivan with no identity who wished to make a withdrawal.

"She listened, looked puzzled, then said, 'I'm speaking to a Michael McLaughlin in Glasgow. He wants to know his nickname at school'. 'It's Moon,' I replied and she gave me my tenner."

WRITER Deedee Cuddihy was promoting her book Scottish Superstitions at Largs Probus Club where a member recalled the Scottish superstition of a bride putting a sixpence in her shoe for luck, and how it saved him and his then new wife when they returned broke from their honeymoon. He told Deedee: "We were scrabbling around to get enough for the taxi fare from the station" he said "when my wife suddenly remembered the sixpence in her shoe. In fact, she'd had a sixpence in each shoe but as we only needed one to make up the fare, we kept the other for more luck."

THE Oxbridge educated comedian Al Murray, who plays the prejudiced character The Pub Landlord, has claimed he is going to stand in the general election against Ukip leader Nigel Farage. It is of course tongue-in-cheek as his manifesto says under foreign policy - "Germany has been too quiet for too long. Just saying."

Anyway we recall his seminal tome The Pub Landlord's Book of British Common Sense where he explained: "Sigmund Freud asked the question, 'What is it that women want?' and failed of course to find the answer. But it's obvious, isn't it? They want the central heating turned up, don't they?"

PEOPLE are still divided on whether the social media siteTwitter is a great tool for communicating with people around the world, or simply a huge waste of your time. We do like however the person embroiled in a disagreement on Twitter who used the Mart Twain quotation that you can't argue with stupid people. The American actor William Shatner no less, then chipped in with: "Why are we all on Twitter, then?

A READER listening to Radio 4's Today programme the other morning heard an interview with a "Sergeant Pepper" from Suffolk Police. Now we are sure she is a fantastic police officer, but you do wonder whether she was destined to pass her sergeant's exam no matter how poorly she did.

OUR piece of whimsy today comes from Saskia Preston who says: "The fact that I immediately look at my phone when I hear any kind of ping or bell means that nowadays I'm being hit by a lot more bikes."

Incidentally, we remember the chap in the Glasgow pub who opined: "I can remember a time when I knew more than my phone."